#god if i just had time to be a blob AND to make my silly little fics and such…

[kohakhearts]

chronically employed

[butterli5]

The first time Remus ever spent the night at Regulus’ flat, it was raining softly outside, the kind of steady, sleepy drizzle that made the windows fog and the whole world feel far away. Regulus had slipped off to the shower, leaving Remus in the warm glow of the kitchen, tasked with making them some tea. He’d brought a special blend with him, chamomile and jasmine, in silky sachets tucked inside a pretty old tin box he never used for anyone else. It smelled like comfort, like soft nights and sleepy affection, and he’d thought Regulus would love it.

When he opens the cupboard in search of mugs, he freezes.

Two shelves. Stacked edge to edge with the quirkiest, most chaotic collection of mugs he’s ever seen. There’s a green Shrek mug with one ear chipped, a classic black-and-white Snoopy grinning across the side of another, one painted with Klimt’s The Kiss, but only the top corner like it had been cut off in some great rush of affection. A small brown bear mug with round ears and a belly for a handle. One with a bright orange elephant trunk curling around the side as a handle. One shaped like a cauldron, and another with tiny stars inside it.

Remus finds himself smiling, slow and fond and impossibly sappy, as he picks up the bear mug, fingers tracing the little ceramic ears. He thinks of how every single one of these mugs must’ve caught Regulus’ eye somewhere. How he must’ve picked them out, held them, brought them home. It’s silly, but it makes something warm unfold inside Remus' chest, something tender and wanting.

He doesn’t hear the footsteps until they stop just behind him.

When he turns, he nearly drops the bear mug. Regulus stands in the doorway, hair damp and curling softly around his face, midnight blue silk clinging gently to his frame, long sleeves pushed up over forearms. He looks impossibly pretty, flushed from the heat of the shower, eyes wide and uncertain. Vulnerable in a way that makes Remus’ whole body ache with something he doesn’t have a name for.

“You found my mug collection,” Regulus says, voice shy and amused, a hand ghosting up to brush at his hair.

“I did,” Remus breathes, still holding the bear mug in his hand. “It’s… ridiculous. And perfect. And so you.”

Regulus blushes deeper, but there’s a pleased sort of tilt to his mouth. “You like them?”

“I want to drink tea out of every single one of them,” Remus says, stepping forward, unable to help himself. “But only if you sit next to me in those stupidly soft pajamas and let me cuddle you like a human-sized stuffed animal.”

That earns a laugh, quiet, musical, and just a little breathless. Regulus lets him come closer, lets Remus set the mug aside and wrap his arms around his waist, his cheek pressing against the damp silk of his shoulder.

“You’re such a sap,” Regulus murmurs, but he buries his face in Remus’ neck anyway, and Remus can feel the smile there, soft and certain, "one condition though, there will be no decaf drank in my precious cups."

"We'll see about that," Remus chuckles as he mumbles into his boyfriend hair.

The next day, he called Lily. He wouldn’t tell her why. Not at first. Just that he needed the number of her friend who did pottery. After far too many smug guesses and one sly, “You’re making him something? God, you’re whipped,” she finally gave him Alice’s contact.

And that Wednesday, Remus stood in a small art studio, sleeves rolled up, trying to remember how to make his hands behave.

Alice had the patience of a saint. For three hours, she guided his large, clumsy fingers over spinning clay, helping him shape a mug that was more oval than round, with a rim that curved slightly too wide on one side. He painted it sparkly pastel green. On the outer surface, he painstakingly painted a miniature bookshelf, trying to make each rectangle look like one of Regulus’ favorite books. The Secret History. Wuthering Heights. Dorian Gray. Most of the titles came out as smudged blobs of ink.

Inside, he drew two constellations, Leo and Lupus, one in gold, the other in silver, twisted into each other like their lives had been for years without their knowing.

When he picked it up the next day, fired and finished, he wrapped it gently and left it on Regulus’ windowsill with a small card taped to the handle.

So you know that even if the cup runs out, my love for you never will.

Regulus didn’t cry. Not exactly.

But when he unwrapped it that evening, thumb brushing over the lopsided stars, eyes catching on the bookshelf and the unmistakably imperfect shape of the mug he now knew had taken hours of Remus' frustration and care, he looked up, and Remus saw it.

That beautiful, silent kind of joy. The kind you drink from every day, warm in your hands, steady in your chest.

And Regulus never drank his tea from anything else again.

[sweetmidnights]

A Tentative Ellipsis (the parting of your lips and the ache in your eyes)-- Chapter 8: If we'd have kept heading the same direction, would we be home by now?

Pairing: Agatha Harkness/Rio Vidal

Summary: The tour keeps moving forward, and Agatha grapples with the new information she's learned while making observations of her own.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: 18+, mentions of addiction, allusion to emotional/psychological abuse, angst, tooth rotting fluff at the end.

AO3

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As a six-year-old was wont to do, Nicholas Harkness had decided that otters were his new favorite animal just because Rio had gifted him a plushy, which now lived in his arms. He took it with him everywhere to the point that Agatha had to deliver a very upset Nicky to school one morning because of her “no toys at school” policy. It had taken nearly half an hour of explaining that the rule was to keep his toys safe and that school was not the place to take his special toys, plus the promise of Saturday cereal for breakfast, before the little boy finally relented, tucking his new stuffed animal into his bed to retrieve later. 

It was Nicky’s newfound obsession with sea otters that ultimately led Agatha to how she was standing in the middle of the wardrobe department during a fitting, spouting off otter facts and getting a room full of stares in return. 

“Is this going to stay like this?” Jen asked, tugging at a pocket-shaped excess of fabric under her arm that was currently getting stuck in her bra strap. 

“You can keep snacks in there,” Rio snickered, smoothing her hands down the front of her jumpsuit. 

“Sea otters actually have built-in pockets in their armpits where they store snacks and rocks,” Agatha chimed in, thinking about Nicky’s enthusiastic ramblings at dinner the night before. 

Her words were met with a silence that stretched for a beat too long, so she lifted her head to find everyone looking at her with varying levels of confusion or interest on their faces. 

“What?” she asked, pinching her eyebrows together and grimacing. “Ever met a kindergartener? They’re full of useless information.” 

Rio snorted in agreement, the corner of her mouth turning up ever so slightly. “When Carmen was in kindergarten, she loved drawing butterflies, but she had no idea how to draw the wings, so they were just blobs on sticks with antennae. I think I was scrubbing blobberflies off my walls for weeks.” 

A snorty laugh ripped for Agatha unexpectedly, taking her and everyone else in the room by surprise. 

“What did you just call them?” she asked between wheezes, wiping at the corners of her eyes. Agatha could barely be bothered to be embarrassed by the uncharacteristic outburst because she was just tickled by the absurdity of what she had just heard. Maybe it was the fact that she had her own silly kindergartener at home, or maybe she just was getting soft now that she was sober, but it felt good to let herself laugh at something so ridiculous. 

“Blobberflies?” Rio asked, a chuckle starting to bubble under her words. 

Jen huffed a bit of a laugh, too, at hearing the word, as did the others puttering about with their fabrics, scissors, and tape measures. 

“God, Rio, that’s ridiculous,” Agatha said, taking a deep breath to steady herself. “Please tell me you still call them blobberflies.” 

“Only every time I have a reason to,” she replied with a cheeky grin, making something tingle under Agatha’s skin. 

After the conversation at her house, Agatha had been wobbling on unsteady feet when it came to the band, when it came to Rio. She knew it would be easier to just forgive them and keep moving forward, but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. There was too much at stake for Agatha to ever let go of that last thread of control. But here in this costuming session, Agatha felt a comfort settling around her that had been missing even before everything fell to pieces because of the radio interview. Something about knowing the truth, about having her agency placed firmly back into her grasp. 

Agatha looked down at the outfit she was being fitted for: shiny, golden pants with a deep-cut top that reminded her so much of their first music video– the only difference being that it was cut to be modern, not retro-seventies rocker. She bent at the knees, pulling the fabric up her thighs to test how easily she could move in them, knowing that she was going to do the most dancing of them all on stage. That had always been her calling card– vibrant and full of life as she commanded the stage, getting the crowds worked up with her addictive presence. 

Part of her was a little resentful, if she was being honest, that this was the role she would still be stepping back into, that she was expected to perform after all this time. She knew that once she was on stage, it would come back to her like a fish to water. But right now, as she was being poked and prodded and fitted for her big debut? Agatha, more than anything, felt the itch of irritation at being just another tool for Stark’s wielding. 

But that wasn’t entirely the case anymore, was it? 

After the band had left and Agatha had settled Nicky into bed, worn out from the aquarium and snuggling his new otter tightly, she sat on her patio for hours stewing about what it all meant. The puzzle pieces were sliding together in her mind as she tried to dissect the web of control that Stark Records, hell, Stark Industries, had over the band. It hadn’t been hard to figure out where Tony had his hold on them all– Rio’s sister and her career, Jen’s foundation, Lilia’s work in television, Alice’s career post-injury, Billy’s…. Honestly, Agatha couldn’t quite put her finger on what Stark’s hold on him was. Was it something to do with Tommy? That would explain Wanda’s investment in this tour, too. Or was it Eddie’s career? Or was he still just the naive young kid he had been all those years ago, who just wanted to be part of something? 

Regardless, even with the light laughter and silliness, discomfort was gnawing at Agatha. 

A camera moved behind a rack of clothing, and Agatha fought the urge to roll her eyes. For a moment, she had almost forgotten that they were being watched. The boom mic was bobbing ever so imperceptibly above them as it caught every moment of the costume fitting on tape. She figured this interaction would make the cut in the documentary, showing a more human side of the band. 

If Agatha was being honest, ever since the conversation at her house, she had become even more impatient with the cameras and wished that the documentary wasn’t part of this process at all. There had to be something there, something more insidious as to why Stark wanted every little moment on film. Was it to keep them in line? Did he know that Rio could smell her freedom with Carmen’s custody battle brewing on the horizon?  

No matter the reason Agatha was stewing, she was figuring out exactly what she was going to do to exact her revenge on Stark. But first? She needed to lie in wait, she needed to watch, she needed to observe and find the cracks so that she could wiggle herself inside them, taking up more and more space until the fragile china exploded, shattering from the inside out.

“Ladies, ladies, can I get you to look here?” the photographer called from behind the camera, snapping his fingers in a vague direction to the right of his head. “Same focal point but away from the lens.” 

Agatha stood in the center of a formation, an arm crossed on her chest, elbow resting on her first with a lazy hand splayed in the air. She was the only one looking straight forward, Alice, Rio, and Jen around her, and looking off into the distance to create an air of intimacy between her and the audience. 

The full band had done some poses at the beginning of the shoot, and now they were doing some mix and match groups, trying to catch as much of the band’s essence as possible for promotional material, social media posts, merch, all of it. 

“Why don’t we try Rio in the center?” Natasha asked from behind the camera, scribbling something onto the clipboard she insisted on carrying everywhere. 

Tallies were scratched in the walls of Agatha’s mind as she counted how many times Natasha tried to make Rio the focus of the shoot, trying to force Agatha out of her rightful spot as front woman. Six, now? But only if she was counting today alone. 

“Without me, right?” Agatha pushed, watching as Natasha sighed. “Because the marketing strategy was to highlight me as, you know, Agatha, right?” 

Natasha dropped her clipboard and pinched the bridge of her nose. “We’ve been over this, Harkness. Rio is a multi-platinum solo artist and one of our biggest names at the label. We need her at the forefront of something if we are going to suck her younger fanbase in.” 

Agatha made eye contact with Rio but only fleetingly– the younger woman seemed to find something exceedingly interesting with the hemline of her jacket, instead. Much to Agatha’s surprise, this wasn’t the first time that Rio had reacted similarly in the face of Natasha’s pushback, especially when her status at the label was mentioned. It seemed like a conditioned, unconscious response, something that she wasn’t quite in control of. More notes scrawled into the log of observations running in Agatha’s mind:

Rio is acting strangely– what did they do to her?

“When did you ever see Tom Petty on the corner of a Heartbreakers photo shoot? Joan Jett? Stevie Ray Vaughan? Florence Welch? This isn’t Fleetwood Mac, despite your best efforts to be as fucking messy as them,” Agatha countered, sharp and pointed with her frustration for Natasha wanting to exacerbate the conflict between her and the band for the documentary. 

“Agatha, please,” Natasha grumbled. “Just one set of photos with Rio swapped in, okay?” 

If it were any other scenario, Agatha imagined that she would have no problem giving Rio the spotlight. Hell, back when the band was still “together”, Agatha actively pushed to get Rio more time in the spotlight because she knew that her talents weren’t being appreciated enough. But now? Knowing everything that she knew? Feeling everything that she felt? Her stubbornness was rearing its ugly head. 

“Not going to happen, doll.” 

A sound of frustration slipped from Rio behind Agatha, making the older woman turn to look again. She was still looking at her jacket but her bottom lip was sucked between her teeth, red marks undoubtely blooming beneath her dark lipstick. 

“Why don’t we do some duos, then?” the photographer asked, obviously uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was going. “Let’s start with Billy and Lilia, yeah? They’ve been sitting out for a while.” 

With a ceremonious flip of her hair and a huff, Agatha left the set and beelined for the kraft services table, immediately grabbing a water bottle. Her nails clinked against the glass, and she immediately knew that it was going to be some disgusting infused water that just tasted like a hangover and regret. 

“If you’re trying to get under Nat’s skin, I think it’s working,” Rio said, sneaking up on Agatha, making her clench the small sandwich between her fingers to the point her glued-on nails punctured the bread and got covered with chicken salad. “I’m not sure how effective it will be, though.” 

The microphones were still angled at the photoshoot, the wardrobe department insisting that they couldn’t wear body mics for the shoot because it would “ruin the outfits”, so Agatha knew that she had a bit of leeway with what she could get away with. 

“Wasn’t this your idea, Vidal? That we make their lives a living hell?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow at her ex-wife. 

“Sure, but I don’t think that driving Natasha to utter madness is the right way to get what we want,” Rio whispered back, hunched with her back to the rest of the room. 

“Pray, tell, what is your idea, then?” 

Rio searched Agatha’s face for a moment, and what Agatha saw staring back at her looked haunted and unfamiliar, like something she had once seen on her own face staring in the mirror but never once in Rio’s. 

“I– I don’t have an idea yet,” Rio admitted, rubbing at the back of her neck. “Just drop it this time? Please?” 

Agatha scoffed and shook her head. Of course, Rio was asking this of her. “Are you seriously asking this of me? Were you lying at the house?” 

“No! No, I wasn’t!” Rio immediately replied, almost panicked in response. Almost. “Please, Agatha, you don’t know what you’re dealing with. Not yet.” 

A long moment passed, and Agatha flicked her gaze to the cameras. They weren’t looking, not yet. She drew in closer to Rio, their faces only inches apart. “What could they possibly have held over you that you’re afraid to step out of line? You were so brave in my sitting room, Rio. Where did she go? Is this the real you? A coward?” 

The moment the words hit Rio, she flinched, and Agatha knew that she had hit exactly where she wanted to. Rio Vidal was many things, but a coward was not one of them. Even through their divorce, she sat there day after day to face Agatha’s heartbreak when she could have just sent a lawyer in her place. She survived years of abuse by her parents that no one seemed to see until it was much too late. Hell, she stood by Agatha’s side for years despite just how painful it had become to even be in her orbit. Rio was brave, and that’s how Agatha knew that this wasn’t her Rio– and maybe she would never get to see that Rio again. 

“That’s not fair, Agatha,” Rio said, watery tears stinging in her eyes in yet another unexpected reaction. She stepped away, then, leaving Agatha to stew in her thoughts. 

There was something so unsettling about the way Rio was out of her element, about the way she was reacting to everything around them. Agatha chewed on the inside of her cheek, watching as Rio was called over to Natasha. She brought herself closer, nearly tiptoeing to not make a sound as she stood behind a clothing rack, eavesdropping. 

“Rio, do I need to remind you of what exactly we are doing here?” she heard Natasha hiss. “You are our star, Rio. Tony wants you in the forefront, and if you can’t do that, you have to answer to him. I don’t care if you still have some kind of misplaced feelings of guilt over what happened to Agatha; we need you in control. Not her.” 

There was a shuffling of feet, like Rio was bouncing on her toes or shifting side to side. 

“I’m not in control of what Agatha does and I never have been,” Rio replied, though Agatha could hear the shake in her voice. There was her girl. 

Wait. 

Fuck.

Now was not the time for her bone-deep irritation with her ex-wife to give way to some misdirected sense of pride. What was there even to be proud of? God, who was Agatha turning into? Motherhood was making her soft in some of the worst ways. 

“I know for a damn fact that isn’t what you told Tony this morning,” Natasha countered, a venom seeping into her voice that not even Agatha in all of her insolence had heard. “You know what his expectation is.” 

“If you want her to back down, you’re going to have to handle her yourself. And you can tell Stark that, too. I will take whatever it is he will throw at me for it, but I cannot be the one to tame Agatha Harkness. It’s ridiculous of you to expect me to do it, too.” 

Agatha replayed the words in the back of her mind as she slipped away unnoticed, leaving them to their conversation. What did she mean, “whatever Stark threw at her”? The wheels in her mind started turning as the pieces began to slot into place. For years, Rio had been chained to Stark Records as their prized show dog, sitting, staying, and begging on command. But how could anyone have gotten so far into Rio’s head to make her do any of the things she had done? 

If Agatha wasn’t mistaken, it would have taken years of a concerted effort to diminish Rio Vidal into the woman who avoided eye contact at the mere thought of conflict. But that was just what had happened, wasn’t it? Stark had wrapped her up into his little mind game by severing her from her wife, by promising her custody of her sister, but for some reason, never following through after even a decade. So what was going on behind closed doors? What was Tony Stark doing to beat Rio into submission so that when the day inevitably came that his hold on her weakened, she wouldn’t know how to walk away? 

Two glaring, red signs started flashing in Agatha’s mind: 1) this was Stark’s weak point– whatever he was doing with Rio had to be where the cracks were forming if his insistence on her center stardom meant anything; and 2) it was incredible hard to unsee what she had just uncovered through these observations and it felt impossible to stay irritated with Rio. Agatha didn’t trust Rio, sure, but as Agatha drew closer and closer to the meaty truth of the last ten years, something whispered to her that maybe, just maybe, Rio had been a victim in all of this, too. 

“Could we get some of just Agatha and Rio?” the photographer asked, stirring Agatha from her thoughts, from her scheming. 

Agatha caught Rio’s eyes and pursed her lips, waiting to see how she would react. Rio only raised an eyebrow, an invitation if she’d ever seen one. 

“Sure you want to tempt fate by putting the two of us together?” Agatha volleyed back to the photographer, not lifting her gaze from Rio’s. “Might start a cat fight.” 

Rio rolled her eyes, some of that confident contrarian Agatha knew so well bleeding back into her body ounce by ounce. “You’d be so lucky, Harkness.”

Agatha strode back toward the set, propping herself against a chair

“Me? Lucky? You think quite highly of yourself, Vidal,” Agatha quipped, feeling Rio’s hands settle on her shoulders from behind as the photographer posed them together. “You’d last all of two seconds against me, sweetheart.”

It wasn’t hard for Agatha to slip into character, to find that banter with Rio they had always reveled in. She tilted her chin up and pressed her lips together until she felt like the picture of power, of a woman to be envied, to be praised, to be worshipped. The camera shuttered around them as Rio leaned down, whispering in Agatha’s ear:

“Let’s have a little fun with this.” 

With a soft hand extended in Agatha’s direction, Rio bowed ever so slightly to beckon her closer. Agatha’s heart leapt; she recognized this game, she loved this game. Without hesitation, she grabbed Rio’s hand and let herself be pulled from the chair, spun in a circle, and into Rio’s arms. The flash of the camera was nearly blinding as the photographer worked to keep up with them. 

Natasha wanted tension, wanted a fight? Well, she could have this instead. 

“I can play pretend,” Agatha whispered against the shell of Rio’s ear after being pulled close. “Is this your big plan?” 

Rio pulled back and grinned wickedly at Agatha. It never took much for Agatha to read her mind, to know exactly what she was thinking in times like this. Even after all these years, if there was something Rio wanted her to know, Agatha could hear it clear as day, and she didn’t know how to feel about that. 

It was a good plan, if Agatha was being honest with herself. The entire pitch of this documentary hinged on Agatha and Rio being at each other’s throats. Angst is what sells, not fluff, not in this market. There was too much collective strife and unease for anything except pain and suffering, and overcoming to sell. But what if Agatha didn’t give them that? What if Agatha refused to engage in the theatrics? 

What if she refused to put her pain on display and perform her own punishment for the world to see? 

Maybe Rio thought about all of this, or maybe it was the easiest way for her to fight back while still protecting herself, too. Agatha couldn’t know if Rio thought about all of this, couldn’t possibly predict if her care for Agatha extended so far as to allow her dignity to stay intact. But what Agatha did know was that this would be so much more fun than fighting. 

And, she knew that when Rio grabbed her hand, her skin still tingled under her touch. She knew that with their faces so close that she could smell the cinnamon gum on Rio’s breath, something inside her twinged and creaked into motion– it came alive in a way that she had never expected that long dormant part of her to ever be again. 

“Okay, ladies, let's get some subdued shots. Line up face to face, I want your profiles to show us everything you’re not saying out loud,” the photographer directed, completely ignoring the direction Natasha was trying to give him. He had caught the vibration of whatever Agatha and Rio were sending into the space around them, and he wanted to play. 

“Yes, just like that. Now, can we get a slow descent into madness? Small touches, just your fingertips, yes, yes. Okay, grow it, give it to me.” 

A knowing smile was shared between Agatha and Rio, the two women immediately moving in tandem. One foot kicked out, arms wrapping around a waist, and a firm push against a sternum to send Agatha falling out of balance, a startled, joyful giggle scrunching her entire face as she went careening to the floor. But before she could fall, Rio’s grip firmed on her waist, stopping gravity from carrying her any further. Long, dark hair dangled behind her, inches from brushing the floor, and as blue eyes met brown, she felt like Rio couldn’t have looked happier. 

And for a moment, she let herself feel that way, too. 

But then she tapped Rio’s shoulder, letting herself be heaved back into a standing position, schooling her face back into her controlled calm, pushing any emotion back into the recesses of her mind where no one could touch them. Natasha may not be entitled to her anger or her pain, but Rio certainly wasn’t entitled to her joy, even if in this singular moment, she may have been the cause. 

Anything Agatha felt, good, bad, or otherwise, was hers alone to keep, hers alone to feel and breathe and bury deep. 

“I think I’ve got what I need,” the photographer said, flipping through the last shots with a look of contentment on his face. “Yes, I think these will work perfectly for what we need. You ladies are perfect, I can’t believe–”

The photographer immediately cut himself off, looking up from the screen with wide eyes and regret. Rio tensed next to her, afraid of what would come next. 

Agatha, though, was sick of tiptoeing around this issue. So she looked at Rio and extended as much of an olive branch as she ever could. 

“It’s hard to stay in love when you’re one foot in the grave and the other is shoved so far into your mouth, you can’t help but hurt everyone around you,” Agatha said with a shrug, taking more blame on her own shoulders than she ever really had, acutely aware of the cameras still rolling. “That doesn’t mean the chemistry wasn’t real or that the care ever really died. Rio and I are two ends of a very, very long string that got knotted and frayed, but at the end of the day, I don’t think it will ever truly break. It may be unfamiliar and complicated, but it’s still there.” 

She only allowed herself a moment to look at Rio, to catalogue her reaction. Relief, understanding, and maybe something more that Agatha didn’t want to see were tangled in the way Rio’s eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed. 

Agatha bristled and excused herself from the set, feeling too exposed, feeling like she just handed everyone in that room the key to a back door in her heart that she never intended to open again. 

In the green room, a girl with long, dark hair sat in the chair Rio had been occupying on and off all day. She looked in the mirror, and Agatha could tell immediately that she was looking at the reflection of Carmen Vidal, Rio’s baby sister, who had won her love in the end. 

Agatha shook her head and looked away. She was a mother now, she knew that it was so much more complicated than her broken, painful memories allowed for. There was no one in this world Agatha would ever choose over her boy, there was no scenario in which she would allow her boy to suffer the way she knew that Carmen had, especially not for love. But it still stung worse than she had intended to see the little face she once knew grown into something fuller, something older, something so indicative of all the time she had missed. 

She wondered if something inside her would always resent the young girl for something that was never her fault. 

Dark, nearly black eyes flicked up from the game console in her hands and immediately narrowed as she caught sight of Agatha. There was a sneer that only a seventh-grade girl could truly pull off, and Carmen’s was aimed directly at Agatha. 

“Hey, Carmen,” Agatha said simply, not one to ignore a kid even when the kid seemingly wanted to be left alone. “Waiting for Rio?” 

Carmen's face shifted into something even nastier, her brows furrowing and her mind going a mile a minute to come up with what she would say. “What else would I be doing, genius? I don’t exactly like to hang out in dressing rooms that smell like broken dreams and desperation for no reason.” 

Ouch. That one actually stung a little. Middle school girls truly were another breed of evil. 

“Alright, well, I will see you around,” Agatha said, grabbing her clothes to change in the bathroom. 

“You know you broke her, right?” Carmen said when Agatha’s back was turned and it halted her in her tracks. “I don’t know what the fuck you did to her but she won’t even look at another woman because she’s so traumatized.” 

The older woman turned on her heels and schooled her expression into one that was stern, maternal. “You shouldn’t speak on things you know nothing about, Carmen. What happened between us is something that happened between two adults.” 

Carmen rolled her eyes and finally turned her body to look at Agatha dead on. 

“I don’t need to know everything to know that you’re the reason my sister doesn’t believe in love anymore. You ruined her. And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t do it again.” 

Agatha did a double-take. “Are you threatening me?” she laughed, taken aback by the sheer audacity of the young girl. “You know I’m not afraid of 12-year-olds, right?” 

“Maybe you should be,” Carmen shrugged, turning back to her game. “If they put me in juvie, my record with be sealed when I turn 18. Yours will follow you forever. Or don’t you already know that, Drugatha?” 

Without another word, Agatha left the dressing room and fled down the hallway, locking herself in the bathroom. She changed as quickly as she could before bracing her hands on the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. Tears stung at the back of her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall. 

It wasn’t that Agatha was blind or delusional, she knew logically that what she did to Rio hurt, that what she did to Rio probably fucked her up just as much as the reverse. But to be faced with that truth dead on? From the mouth of a child? God, it hit Agatha harder than she could have ever prepared for. 

The high of the photoshoot, of playing with Rio, of letting herself get lost in the performance of it all, immediately took a nosedive, plunging her back into the ice-cold waters of the guilt that had gnawed at her for nearly a decade. She wanted to say she couldn’t believe that Rio hadn’t ever fallen in love again, but the truth of the matter was that she hadn’t, either. In all ten years they had been apart, Agatha had only slept with a few women during a period of self-destruction long before she got sober, never once trying for anything more. And since Nicky? Dating and even sex had been the furthest thing from her mind. 

Staying sober and keeping her baby safe had taken all of her energy; until recently, there had been no room for anything else. This band was truly the first time Agatha had done anything for herself that wasn’t directly connected to her child. 

But that also meant that she had never taken the time to try to move on, to try and heal all of the wounds her marriage with Rio had left behind. Sure, she had worked through so much of it in therapy, but there is a certain amount of heartache that you can’t truly leave behind, a certain unease that you can’t fully shed until you’ve learned for yourself that love isn’t going to hurt again. And Agatha, she wasn’t sure she would ever give herself that chance. 

Agatha wiped at the corners of her eyes, sucking all the emotion back into the depths of her chest. Now wasn’t the time for her to get lost in the intricacies of her own psyche. She had spent the better part of the last six years, especially since Nicky started going to school, nitpicking her neuroses and placing her dissections in neat little boxes– she didn’t need to keep doing it now. 

And so, she gathered herself and walked out of the bathroom, not looking back when Rio called her name, and let herself be taken far, far away from this place. 

Every third Tuesday of the month was Family Dinner Night at the Harkness household. Over the years, the time she spent with Wanda and Billy had ebbed and flowed as their careers took more or less time, but the one thing they never forewent was this one night each month. Tonight was spaghetti night, Agatha trying her hand at a full three-course meal, starting with caesar salad and ending with bakery-bought cannolis that she knew Nicky would love. 

“Mama, can we use the stringy machine?” Nicky asked, grabbing onto Agatha’s lavender apron that had flowers embroidered on the chest and pockets. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, long locks of dark hair still framing her face, and large, square-framed glasses sat on her nose. 

“The stringy machine?” she asked as she measured the flour to pour onto the island counter. “Go grab your stool, baby. And wash your hands when you’re done.” 

Nickly excitedly pattered to the pantry and grabbed his little step stool, setting it up right next to his mama and then ran to the bathroom to wash his hands, not quite tall enough to reach the one in the kitchen yet. He probably could have used his stool for the kitchen sink, but Agatha wasn’t going to question the method of a six-year-old’s madness. 

Once he returned, Agatha set to carving out a valley in the mound of flour. “I’m going to crack the eggs into this dip, and then we get to make a little mess to squish it all together, how does that sound?” 

“Okay, mama!” Nicky said excitedly, watching as Agatha cracked the first egg into the nest. She did a couple more and saw out of the corner of her eye that Nicky was getting wiggly. “Can I try one?” 

Agatha looked at the puddle of eggs below her and then to the egg in her hand, considering. “Let’s do it together this time, and then next time, you can try by yourself. Fair?” 

Nicky nodded resolutely. “Fair.” 

So, she stood behind Nicky on his stool and wrapped her arms around him, helping him hold the egg in his tiny hands. Usually, she didn’t like to speak to him where he couldn’t read her lips for help, but she knew that the hearing aids paired with her close proximity would make it relatively easy for her miracle boy to still hear her clearly. The doctors still didn’t know if his hearing would devolve from “hard of hearing” status to more profound deafness, so she tried to be mindful of treating Nicky in a way that wouldn’t change if his hearing ever worsened. 

“You have to hold it firmly enough that it won’t slip, but gently enough it won’t crack,” she started, holding her hand over Nicky’s with the exact right pressure. “Then you’re going to hit it against the counter the same way. Firmly, but not too much. You just want it to crack a little.” 

Agatha brought their conjoined hands down against the lip of the counter once, twice, three times until small lines cracked across the white shell. 

“Woah, Mama! It didn’t break!” Nicky said, in total awe of what he was watching. 

“That’s right, buddy. Now this is the tricky part, are you ready?” 

The small boy nodded enthusiastically. Agatha held out her palm, and Nicky instinctively laid his hand in it, just like their other hands were pressed together. 

“To get the egg out of its shell, we have to press very carefully with our thumb into the crack,” Agatha said, bringing their hands carefully to the egg. “But when you do this, if you press too hard, the shell might crack too much and fall apart, dropping pieces of shell into the eggs we have to fish back out.”

“What if it’s too small to get back out?” Nicky asked, turning his head to look at his mom. 

“Then sometimes you have to eat them. But they’re kind of yucky, so we don’t want to do that.” 

The small boy nodded, understanding as best he could. Together, Agatha pressed his small thumb into the crack, making it expand little by little until she pulled the two pieces of shell apart, dropping the egg and its yolk into the collection of the rest of them. It landed with a little plop, and Nicky started to bounce at the knees. 

“Can we do it again, Mama? That was so cool!” 

Agatha laughed and carefully took the two halves of the shells from his fingers, tossing them in the garbage she had pulled out for this exact reason. 

“Hands,” she commanded, and two egg-sticky hands thrust themselves at her. She used a damp cloth and wiped them off. The last thing she needed was another set of stained pants to fight with in the wash. 

With a fork, Agatha whipped the eggs into a scrambled mix, and once she was done, she looked to Nicky and said, “Ready for the fun part?” 

The little boy nodded, hair slipping from his ponytail and falling into his eyes. With a gentle touch, Agatha pushed the strands behind his ears before cupping his cheek, rubbing the gently with her thumb. In moments like these, she was reminded just how much she loved this little boy with his big, hazel brown eyes and brilliant smile. 

She grabbed Nicky’s wrists in both of her hands and then smashed his hands into the pile of flour, pushing it into the flour and making him laugh raucously, the giggles nearly clacking his teeth together with the force of them. 

“Mama! You’re making a mess!” 

Agatha laughed, too, and kept using Nicky’s hands to push flour into the mix of eggs, partly because it was making him laugh and partly to make sure there wasn’t more of a mess than strictly necessary. Once the liquid was mostly contained in the flour, she let him go and started to knead alongside him, showing him how to push and pull just right as it molded into a ball of yellow dough. She separated a small ball of it from the rest and let him knead it to perfection alongside her, chatting endlessly about why flour and eggs make dough– a science lesson she certainly wasn’t prepared for this long after college. 

As Nicky wished, he got to use the “stringy machine” to help Agatha make the spaghetti while the meat sauce continued to burble on the stove. It was an old family recipe, one of the only things she could remember from her Nana, the only family member she had ever really forged a relationship with. Evanora’s stepmother was the only grandma that Agatha had ever known, and she only spent limited amounts of time with her, but during those times, they always cooked together. Now, it was something she loved to share with Nicky, too. 

“Nicky, where are you?” a familiar voice called out as the sound of someone letting themselves in the front door echoed in the halls of the large home. “I brought someone for you to see.” 

“Auntie Wanda!” Nicky exclaimed, running out to the foyer without cleaning his hands. 

Agatha smiled to herself as she heard the distinct sound of him being caught before grubby hands could ruin an outfit, and then a stunned silence. 

“You know Mama doesn’t like surprises,” she heard Nicky chastise Wanda as she wiped her hands on a towel. 

“Your Mama loves surprises. Remember her last birthday when we took her to the islands?” Wanda countered. Agatha could help but nod, that was a fair argument. 

“Well, I don’t think she will like this one. No offense, Ms. Lilia, I like that you are here.” 

Agatha froze at the sound of Lilia’s name. Before her thoughts could get away from her, she heard the sound of Nicky’s delighted giggles grow closer until Wanda stepped into the kitchen with him, holding his wrists way above his head, making him walk with clumsy steps. 

“This little monster is trying to get my new shirt all dirty, can you believe it?” Wanda asked, making the little boy laugh even harder. “Billy couldn’t make it to dinner tonight because Eddie had a last-minute event at his studio, so I brought Lilia instead. I hope that’s okay.” 

Agatha’s left eye twitched as she curved her face into a forced smile. “I suppose it has to be, hmm?” 

She didn’t mind that Lilia was here, not in any real sense of the word. But she didn’t like that there was no chance for her to prepare for the company, and that she had no choice in the matter. It grated at her already frayed nerves that another decision was made for her without consulting her. But of all the things Wanda could have done, Agatha was glad it was this. There was so much time she would never get back with Lilia, so how could she be upset about making it up now? 

“Sorry to come by unannounced, lady, but I brought a peace offering,” Lilia said with her normal exuberance. In her hands was a bouquet of Agatha’s favorite flowers in shades of purple, lavender, and white. “Would have brought wine, but I don’t think it would be as appreciated.” 

Agatha chuckled at the joke and gladly took the bouquet, reaching for a crystal vase in one of the cabinets, filling it with the flowers and water in equal measure. 

“Thank you for these, they’re beautiful. Nicky, can you use two hands and take this bouquet to the table?” she asked the little boy, knowing that he loved to help. 

Only recently had she been able to trust the little boy with more delicate things, and she knew that in front of unfamiliar company, he would be extra careful in transit. As he made it to the center of the dining table, Lilia helped him push it to the center of the blood red tablecloth. 

“Well, aren’t you such a careful young gentleman?” the older woman praised, patting his shoulder as he beamed up at her with pride. “I bet you make your mom so proud every day, don’t you?” 

Nicky nodded enthusiastically. “Mama tells me she’s proud of me every day. And she says I’m so smart and so strong and so creative and very polite and very kind, which are all the best ingredients in making little boys into good men.” 

Lilia snorted, smiling widely at the little boy. “Your mama would say that, wouldn’t she?” 

Agatha looked up from where she was plating the salads to watch as Lilia interacted with her boy, her heart swelling three sizes at the sight. 

“Billy mentioned that Carmen was at the shoot today. I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind some mother-daughter time,” Wanda said, earning herself a glare from Agatha. She held up her hands in surrender. “I know, I know, not your mom. But you know what I mean. She’s a tough kid with an even harsher grudge against anyone who does her sister wrong. One time, she bit Billy’s head off for calling Rio a swear word when Carmen was 8. I don’t think she let it go for a month.” 

Agatha’s chest clenched at the mention of the tween, at the mention of all the heartache she had been reminded of with the one, short interaction. 

“I’m glad you brought her,” she said, bumping her hip against Wanda’s. “And I’m sorry for the other day and everything I said. I… I was entirely out of line. I should never have brought up Tommy like that.” 

Wanda waved a hand in Agatha’s direction. “I know you’re sorry, Agatha. It’s okay. Well, it’s not okay and you better never fucking do it again. But what’s going on right now is extraordinarily extenuating circumstances, and I know you better than almost anyone. I know that you bite first and apologize later. Just take care of yourself, okay? Let’s get through this together.” 

In an uncharacteristic display of affection, Agatha wrapped an arm around Wanda’s waist and pulled her into her side. 

“And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, too. I know I’m complicit in this whole mess, and while I didn’t know everything at the time,  I still feel terribly for how it has all come undone.” 

Agatha kissed Wanda’s cheek and let go of her. “Let’s just go have dinner with our family, yeah?” 

Wanda smiled a soft, knowing smile and nodded once, grabbing the bowl of cooked noodles to carry to the table. 

And there they sat, the four of them, eating dinner and catching up on all the lost time. Lilia told stories of her time as a movie producer and of her few stints back on the stage in New York; Agatha told stories about raising Nicky, and Nicky chimed in with his own anecdotes from the playground or from his nanny. Things started to slot back into place, and Agatha, for the first time since this whole thing started, felt some semblance of peace wash over her. 

These people, this room of love was like a balm, like cool water running through Agatha’s frayed, burning hot nerves. 

Hope was on the horizon for Agatha, and today proved that. Maybe it would be messy, maybe it would be painful, but today she found her way in. Her plan was slowly forming, her collection of information and observations filling in the edges and allowing her to press her thumb into the delicate cracks of this tour, of this record label. Soon enough, it would split in two, and all of the glorious, delicious filling would come flowing out for her to take. 

In this moment, Agatha felt the tables shift, and oh, what a powerful feeling it was. 

divider: @strangergraphics

taglist: @6stolenangel9

[crazylittlejester]

A tiny fic for you, because life's been a bitch and you deserve a gift (happy to hear you're doing better though :] ) :

"What the fuck are y'all doing?" Twilight laughed, walking from his room into the living room.

"Floor time." War mumbled from his place face down on the floor, head almost completely obscured by the black fluff of the cat he'd buried his face in. Milo meowed.

Sky made a miserable noise of agreement. He was laid out starfish style on his back, half draped over his friend, with one hand thrown over his face. He had a white, fluffy blob that Twi recognised as War's other cat, Tara, curled up on his chest.

"Ah crap, do I want to know?" Twilight crouched down beside the pile of saddness and cats.

"NO." They both groaned in sync.

"Alright 'en." Twi shrugged. "Y'all need anythin'?"

"I need you to kill me." War sighed.

"Hell no, shut up. If I have to do this, so do you, mister dramatic pants." Sky snapped, though there wasn't much heat behind it.

"How about a hug instead?" Twilight suggested.

War removed his face from the fluffy void and stared at Twi with the most pathetic, wet creature eyes ever. He nodded quietly, kissing Milo once before he somehow pretzel'd himself into sitting upright without evicting Sky of his place sprawled over him. Does it make sense? Not really, but eh, it's War. He's magical. Though magic didn't stop Milo's fur from having foundation smudges on it. Or from his eyeliner smudging.

Twilight smiled as he sat himself down, shuffling to lean against the sofa before he opened his arms to welcome his roommates in. Without a second of doubt, War flopped himself over straight into Twi's arms. Though in the process, he accidentally squished Sky, who let out an indignant squawk and kicked War (gently) in the shin before wiggling out into a more comfortable embrace between his two roommates.

"War that was homophobic..." Sky grumbled.

"I'm literally gay???"

"Alright old ladies, calm down." Twilight soothed with.

War simply huffed and buried his cold nose in Twi's shoulder. Any pretend grumpiness evaporated from both him and Sky within seconds, and their tense shoulders slowly unwound as they relaxed further and further into the comforting furnace that is Twilight.

If anyone were to walk in, they'd just see a tangle of limbs and (metaphorical) soggy cats. The actual cats were there too; at some point they'd snuck in and were purring away, content as ever.

Minutes, hours- whatever, an amount of time passed where all three of the silly roommates sat on the floor snuggling, until a sleepy, incoherent murmur left Sky's lips. Twilight hummed in question.

"I'm gonna fall asleep..." Sky mumbled, his eyelids slipping shut, though he didn't bother moving.

"Then get some rest, dude. You deserve it." War gently smiled, running a hand through Sky's hair.

Any further disgruntled grumblings were lost to the power of sleepiness, and soon replaced by snores.

"...everythin' alright with him?" Twi asked hesitantly.

War hummed. "Just stressed, I think. Glad to see him relaxed now."

"Yeah," Twilight whispered in agreement, mindful of the aforementioned roommate sleeping tucked into his side.

Conversation tapered off into comfortable silence, until Twi started to complain that his ass hurt from sitting on the floor for so long. But he just scooped Sky up and the cuddle pile relocated to someone's bed, where they could snuggle more securely. Personally, War had no complaints. The stress of his life earlier had melted in the warm embrace of his friends and now he felt... safe. Secure. Content.

Sorry this isn't the best- but I hope you like it ! Remember to take care of yourself :]

---

---

I LOVE IT OH MY GOD. SCREAMING AND CRYING AND RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES you gifted me my blorbos 🥺??? AUGH!!

this is so fucking cute, floor time could definitely fix these guys

"Mister dramatic pants" and Twi thinking War has sad wet creature eyes is so everything to me, I hope you know

AND THE "War that was so homophobic" "I'm literally gay" KILLED ME. War is definitely the more likley of the three of them to whine and stop his feet and go "this is so homophobic" over any minor inconvenience but Sky saying this TO WAR is so fucking funny and I love it so much

also them worrying over Sky is so sweet, I love this so much thank you for this im holding it tightly in my evil little hands

[christhetree256]

hey can you tell me about glow? or what your currently hyper fixating on? Why that specificly? what’s your favorite part of it?

I'll do the first one, since my current hyperfixation is just pressure atm.

Ok, so I've decided to do some changes to Glow's experimentation history, and how they would work in game because the original didn't make a whole lot of since.

Glow, instead of being made to just play god and replicate human life, was instead a test to see if they could make something that could mimic human life. So Glow's dna consists of glittle (the electric sea slug critters), mimic octopus (only sea creature, discluding its close relative, to mimic other aquatic creatures), random mold that was growing nearby (accidental, it just kinda happened and nobody did anything about it), and human (obvious reasons). At first, Glow was just a big blob of slime that required electricity. But, as time went on and people interacted with Glow, they slowly started warping their form to match that of the people who studied them (mainly 1 researcher I still need to name, so Imma call them The Doctor for the moment). Since the mimicry worked, Urbanshade tried to see if they could use it to their advantage. Tests included seeing if they could mimic people from images, replicate voices (they also had to teach Glow English for that one), and durability. Even though the whole point was to make something to mimic, Glow was terrible at it, so they gave up on that and tried to see where they could be useful. This ends up looping back to the whole mid-battle power source idea. When the actual breach happened, Glow mostly just fled and hid, only "disarming" people (usually breaking bones) if threatened. They did go out of their way to find The Doctor, but the recordings of that time went missing and still haven't been recovered.

Game mechanic wise, Glow gets a extra little gimmick. Since having Glow as an enemy and npc doesn't make sense, this is where that mold comes in. That little extra bit of dna gave Glow the ability to split off parts of themself, being able to control them from some-what long distances. This allows for the drop-on-you-and-steal-item-charge to work while still being able to find Glow as a rare encounter in High-Containment (they just vibin). But that's most of what I got for the silly little guy rn, thank you for asking :3.

[murkystarlight]

Screw it.

Dreamzzz season2 spoilers pt.1

(And my personal comments)

Alright. Starting from episode 1

I didn't realize that Cooper having a sudden interest in chips would be a hint to something later(it probably isn't but it seems like it to me). Cooper apperantly had a full list of things to fix and make... also the Night Bureau really can't do their job done properly can they. How does Cooper go to school? And study? And get good grades?? Also love how everyone names their cars

It was cool seeing Sneak working with them. And Nova, too bad they... uh- dissapear after like... episode 4? I think

Mateo trying to find a way to get z-blob back, and the Nightmare king... why is he such an icon all of a sudden?? Like-

Also, I like that how Mateo got the kid show treatment. Might as well sing 'we're all in this together'

And Dallas joining the knitting club!!

It was pretty nice. Just a simple small detail, but I like stuff like that so... Looks like he's not going to be bullying anyone now

It was very fun watching the crows(ravens? Don't remember) snatch their memories. When I saw what the memories that was stolen were about I started screaming like-

I actually think they all have a good reasoning. Logan always loved his music(would've been better if he forgot how to sing entirely) , Cooper... well he's the tech guy, and for Izzie, she was the who accepted the dream world the fastest. Who liked it the most in the first season right? There are more cool and amazing reasons than this but my stupid brain can't think of anything else right now

Episode 2

Apperantly there's a lava realm? Cool

Mr. Oz being angry, Logan being.. well, Logan. And Cooper is just adorable. He's having so much trouble. His purpose in life kinda snap

And when everyone else just jumps into the castle, Izzie takes her time to take the stairs

And Izzie having trouble with "dont open your mouth" she's so funnn

I had trouble understanding Astrid-

Royce guy has a weird whistle.

Cooper looks so happy until his mind went blank and his face is just- 'dude wait, what was I doing?' I thought he lost his tech skills?? Why did he become... dumber? It's cute though

"Sorry-" _ Izzie

Also, Logan said a lot of smart stuff in this episode. One of my favorites was

"If I forgot it, how would I know?"

Mr. Oz trying SO hard not to swear. I could see the struggle-

And the flash cards 😭 when did they get a rule book?!!(first ep)

Also, how many eggs do you think Cooper cracked. How does he not remember how to not but a bolt and screw together?? Just- stick it in! Learn to do it again? Poor thing

And the Night Hunter! +Susan and Snivel. They're a bunch of sillies

Cooper getting pressured by his family again- (is it just me or does he get his character development after like... two episodes and be the one stable guy holding the team together? He's useful. Like actually useful) Cooper's voice also wouldn't stop cracking

"Do you ever get sand in your eyes? Or your shorts?" (The Sandman had legs?? Yes, had. He... he gone now.)

Also kinda funny how all of Mateo's dreamcrafting gets blob-ified

"The one time! I actually want to hear your beats, and you forget?!"

Zoey! Why would you randomly jump into a cauldron!! (Also, the Night Hunters memory being Zoey- I already had a feel)

Mrs Castillo is the best

I'm also very curious of... what or who the Never Witch is??

There is a lot of pushing and shoving people. And it's only the second episode

Also-

"So you're not the tech genius you used to be. You still got- ....uh.... what other talents do you have?"

Oh godddd noooooooooooo he said it- Oh god........

"I'm gonna go drown my troubles in the candy realm" (kids. Too much sugar isn't good for you)

(He can't even figure out how to put his phone on silent anymore) he got an A+ in a science project, by cooking?? I thought it was a SCIENCE PROGECT??

Imagine a kid suddenly pulling out an apron and asking for a kitchen to work in. During a science project (he's a chef now), he also just... kept the flan? Thing, in his locker-.... is that... okay?

I mean... I did watch this science show on Netflix about these super smart girls and their names being mc². And one of them bakes. Using science. I mean... science works in everything... and I guess if the teachers said okay then its.. okay?

Sandman and Never Witch fighting, he will be remembered. It was pretty cool actually. I wonder if they have any history

Next part

Bonus(also the reason of why I said screw it)

[elairi]

I had this scene stuck in my head even after writing it, so I had to paint it.

-------------------------- “You didn’t tell me you were an artist.” 

Tav wasn’t. Her specialty was hitting things very very hard. Which didn’t particularly work well with a canvas and paint brush.

Tav’s darkvision didn’t help much either. Each tube of paint only appeared a different shade of gray in the dark. Intending to fix the problem, Tav cast the one spell she knew. Light. Instead of a ball of light, hundreds of sparkling butterflies exploded from her hand, fluttering about the tent and illuminating everywhere they flew.

Tav could practically hear Astarion’s complaint before it left his mouth. She stopped him from speaking by talking first.

“This isn’t a concern right now.” 

She didn’t have the mental energy to figure out why her minimal magic had gone rogue and unleashed butterflies instead of the intended spell. She had enough to worry about as is.

“Tav, does anything normal ever happen around you?” 

Tav hushed Astarion, focusing on the canvas in front of her. Using the brush, she carefully dipped the brush into the colors of the palette she’d prepared. She continued to work to attempt to capture Astarion’s likeness.

Her hands didn’t understand her vision. The face had become lopsided and his red eyes were looking particularly silly. To finish the painting off, Tav put a large circle of yellow in the corner. Leaning back to inspect her work. 

It was awful. 

The painting looked nothing like Astarion, just several messy strokes that made a strange face. Tav gave up. She’d just have to pay for a professional to paint him instead. Astarion left the stool coming over to inspect her work.

“Gods this is ugly Tav, I hope this isn’t how you see me. And what even is that yellow blob in the corner?”

“Hey I tried my best, okay? And it’s the sun.” 

Astarion laughed, grabbing the paintbrush from her hands. He added dark brushstrokes to her sun, creating a face on top of it.

“What is that?”

“You.” 

“Oh, so you’re making fun of my art and my appearance.” Tav tried to take back the paintbrush to fix his horrible impression of her as Astarion danced out of reach. 

“You, my love, are a work of art. Your painting on the other hand…Anyways, I think it’s time to call it a night.”

Astarion was right on both accounts of her art skills and her current state. She was exhausted. Tav gave her painting one last glance before placing a coin down for the use of paints. Astarion took the coin, stopping when Tav shook her head.

“What? We practically did all the work anyway.” 

Tav didn’t budge on her stance. Astarion gave up and returned the coin. He inspected the painting one more time, chuckling under his breath at the insult to art itself. Taking dagger from its sheath he focused on cutting canvas free from its frame.

“I thought you said it was ugly?” Tav teased. 

“Oh, it is exceptionally hideous. I would be offended if I didn’t already know how handsome I am.” 

Astarion reined his laughter in just enough to kiss Tav and lead her out of the tent. After exiting, he rolled up the painting of himself and Tav and gently placed it in his bag.  Read the whole story here

[solthepoet]

Farewell Callisto

Prologue done!

Happy reading!

Tw: This whole story will contain Suicide, SH, Cursing, lots of sadness!

CHAPTER 1: 18.05.XXXX

Callisto cursed under his breath when he saw that Aurora noticed him leave after all, he could not face her right now, and definitely not that overpositive Taiju with his loud voice screaming in his ears till the bleed, bleed like the blood washed onto his hands, thousand times more his own and that he shared in guilt, more more more more moremoremore-

His voice was uncanny to him, masculine and humorous, why did he sound that way? He didn't know, he didn't want to. He just wanted to get away from here.

“HAHA NEVER GONNA GET ME-”

It seemed that he spoke too soon, a pain in his spine making his head spin, the cuts on his leg screeching as his knee buckled and he tumbled down the small and not very dangerous hill, yet wishing to his cranky bones to break his neck.

Everything to not face those people,not like this, not right now, not when time was ticking right out of his hands.

“I’M OKAY-!” No, no he was not, callisto was not okay and to god he wished to continue falling, this voice, this body, these people wrong wrong WRONG WRONG WRONG-

He tensed up the moment Taiju lifted him slumping and turning with wild eyes, seemingly cat like and silly from the outside, but every fiber in his mind was screeching to rip his jaw wide and aim for the throat, grab and hold on, twist, bite, Kill- 

No. Stop this Callisto, this is not you anymore, don't go back to this, please don't let me go back to this, gery halls, long ways, dark rooms, all this beeping and turning- pain. so, so much pain.

And so he scratched, cat-like, an act not human, practically the only thing keeping that inner connection of body and mind going, that wrong voice screeching unpleasant in his own ears,wishing for his vocal cords to snap and give him that ounce of silence.

“FUCK OFF YA SPOOKY OAF-”

the grip was strong and Callisto was slowly panicking more and more, eyes swirling around, jaw tight, lungs tighter, move- he had to move, now, away, from these arms, hands, chains, let me go fuck let me- Auroras voice-

“HUZZAH TO MY FREEDOM YOU WANKER!!”

One desperate sound, to make them laugh, lose composure, anything to get away from these people, these faces, this blood, the screams, the noise, the touching the breathing and sweat and smell.

And a smooth kick to the balls, Callisto’s scars were burning in protest as he yanked his leg against Taiju’s private parts but he didn't dare to care. Those scars were his own punishment, his reality, his truth. They were all he had left of him. Him.

Then, that name..that god forsaken name that made his blood freeze in terror and guilt, the noose around his neck tightening of pure nothingness. All around Callisto faded into a blur of people, voices, blobs of people calling him by that name and he felt the pit in his stomach deepen. He was gonna throw up again. He was scared and so very angry at the full lungs of pure nothingness that weighted so heavy it could drag him down below, and his mind blanked.

“YOU KNOW WHAT?! NO. NO SOL FUNKE. I WILL TAKE THAT NAME OF THE CLIFF AND LET MY IDENTITY DROWN ALONG WITH IT. LET GO OF ME YA NASTY ASS PUSSY”

He made out a blurred Senku saying something about stuffing him in a pulley, and the bare thought of being chained to something, just like back the, just like- NO-

“SHUT UP YA HURENSOHN, VERDAMMTE SPERMIEN VERSCHWENDUNG DU ABSOLUTES MISTSTÜCK, ARSCHLOCH, WICHSER I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LISTEN TO YOUR FRUIT SALAD GENIUS WANNABE FATHERLESS MANWHORE ASS.”

No…that wasn't at all what Callisto wanted to say- what was this body doing? Please stop- I can’t fuck up again, not after finally getting better, please not now, please don’t chain me down again, 

“DON’T PULL YOUR KINKY SHIT ON ME LEEK. NO FUCKING ROPE ON MY WATCH. GET YOUR MAGICIAN TO ABRA CADABRA YOUR DICK OR SOMETHING-!”

Please stop talking,you don’t mean that, that's mean, they are trying to help, but it hurts, it hurts so so much, leave please, i just- all i wanted was- was to see my-!!

“...all i wanted was to bring my brother some flowers before his birthday…”

It was bad to lie, even if it was half of the truth. Sol knew that. Callisto also knew that. Both phases had to learn this the hard way. But they do say old habits tend to die hard. And what was Callisto if not stubborn. Callisto slumped into himself, angry breathing leaving his frail body and his lip almost seemed to be quietly quivering. His eyes were unfocused, slightly narrowed and almost like they lost that poetic glow.

Aurora spoke up, softer now,and god did he want to run, if he answered now, if she- he didn’t want to- he…wouldn't be able to, not right now, not if she says that nam-

“Sol,my love,you should have just asked for help. I would’ve come with you.”

His heart grew cold, another small shake in his breath, another crack in his soul.

Callisto’s voice nearly cracked as he spoke, such guilt and rage filled calmness as acid burned his organs one by one.

“NO-JUST-…urgh this is…my thing.I don’t want any of you here. Just-...you know what? Forget it.”

And he stops. Moving, talking, but never shaking on the inside in pain, so much pain, vivid images filling his brain to the point even the blankness seemed too much. His eyes were hollow now, as if a part of him died…and maybe it did, or maybe it actually was…or maybe it already had. He frowned in quiet self made confusion…why did he try to keep this? 

Aurora's voice broke through again, his aching to flinch suppressed by Sol himself, weak, but there, always there- Callisto noted- when it came to her. It was almost honorable. He wondered if he noticed his time was running out.

“...Fine. If he wants to do it alone, let him do it alone.”

Ohh, Ouch. Now there was no more restraint in Sol, all broke. Yikes.

His lungs felt shaky and ready to burst in gasps of well known death creeping closer but he stayed silent.

Callisto was irked by her, so very not matured on Sol’s level yet trying like a desperate whore…he was sure if Sol was not as hurt by her tone, he would have hit him now and phased through, whether that be another breakdown or my body was another question left unanswered he supposed, Callisto concluded while pushing Taiju away just like pushing of his following words of not wanting him to get hurt, a weak justification in his thoughts, his panic still wrecking his every move, aching muscles begging him hard, the old scars harder, not visible, never anymore…hopefully.

“I won’t. I just- Haahh- it’s something you all should not see.” 

it was the truth, he internally paused, glancing back mentally to ropes on ropes of suppressed bloody memories. It was bare, ugly, breathing like an unwanted child ready to be explored. He couldn’t let them see this. For him. Callisto turned away and started to limp with that cursed leg of his, a clenched fist, desperate attempt for control, wrapped tightly around his arm, pearly white. Callisto stumbled, internally cursing in german, Sol flinched. Callisto stilled before stumbling on with slightly panicked murmurs, not to them, but to him.

“I’ll be fine…I’ll have to be”

the second part he murmured to himself, a pathetic attempt, he noted, but any piece that was to be kept was his to be desired…Desired? What a stupid new word.

Aurora spoke up again and he felt his concerned glare on me to not do anything stupid like he did once before…patience…just a bit more time lost.

“Sol, I have seen you in the fog before. Let me come with you, at least, so that you don’t get lost.”

That name again…Callisto felt his fist tighten more, bruising the finally healed skin to wound it again, like he always did, like he never got over it- because he never did. Only Sol.

Callisto looks back at her his eyes straying not hate for her, since Sol seemed too desperate in his attachment to her, yet so very distant, as if forcing himself to be gentle of what was to come, knowing her struggle with rejection.

“..Rora…please…i need to do this alone. I can’t bear you seeing this.”

Seeing me, Callisto added silently as his eyes glossed over and he quickly turned to spare him the embarrassment, seeing what is happening to us, to me, to him, to see that day crawling closer, all the blood, that fire, the sirens, the fucking rope and that damn nickname he choose because he CANT. LET. GO-

She spoke once more, and Callisto swore his patience was thinner than any scarf.

“No you don’t.” Don’t tell me what to do.”Sol, you don't have to do anything alone anymore-” Don’t call me that- don’t say it like he needs this- “Isn’t that what i am here for, now?”

FUCKING STOP- Can’t she get that He does not handle this well? Handle her personality in moments like this? THAT HE NEEDS A BREAK FROM EVERYONE-

He stays turned away, only stopping for a moment, his voice dead, not daring to lace his emotions behind it, as to not make her hurt with the anger that did not belong to the men she knew.

“Goodbye Aurora.”

His hand tightens to a paler white around his arms as he continues limping, to save both himself and her for what might leave his mouth if he did otherwise now.

“What……?” 

She seemed baffled, and Callisto hoped it would stay that way, that she would calm, that she would give him his much needed silence-

“Sol Funke, what the Fuck-”

And all that patience thinned out snapped, a flinch echoing through his body as it shook in his freezing step, almost unnoticeable to anyone not watching him closely, and yet no one did, his anger flashing before breaking into genuine hurt at that all haunting nickname, that last name he got called on that day this cursed name laced with guilt. THAT DAMN NAME-

“Don’t call me that…-I-Sol is not-That name..-”

he stopped, realisation carrying him in a fast step that seemed the fastest he had ever been without his cane, his muscles screaming in protest, but he didn’t dare to stop.

Callisto didn’t dare to look behind him, at the well known tears in Aurora's eyes either.

But Sol did.

Ironically, his eyes always seemed to search for hers.

[lixiesfreckless]

literally reblogging this and am typing my thoughts as I read cause I KNOW I’m gonna love this so here we go!(spoilers under the cut)

ngl I loved reading about all of the driving facts at the start. that was such a good way to start the story, and then juxtapose it all by pointing out how BAD you were at driving lmaoooo

the “I don’t think God wants you on the road” bit was too good.

“Per lesson?!” you cried. “Just for someone to tell me where to turn and brake? I can’t afford that!”

PLEASE this is literally why my parents made me wait until I was 18 for me to get my license(that and covid screwed us over), because if you want to go for it when you’re a minor you have to take Behind The Wheel, which is a driving course in the US for underage drivers and it costs a few hundred. I was so jealous of my friends that could afford it and get school parking passes ughhhh

“How’re the driving lessons going?” Junhui asked, still nose-deep in his anatomy textbook.

I just want you to know that I found it sexy that Jun was taking an anatomy class…moving on ajdhsjsha

“You can’t just say ‘perchance,’ dude,” one of the guys setting up the TV said.

I BURST OUT LAUGHING, this whole exchange made me smile so hard. not only is that one of my favorite jokes ever but everyone talking in that scene just felt so natural uGH you’re great

You chose the pink blob named Kirby.

as someone who is an inexperienced smash player and mains Kirby, I feel extremely called out rn. did you wire tap my house, perchance?

“Okay, no more talking,” he ordered. “I know you’re very hurt right now, but you’re gonna feel even worse if I start laughing at your lips, so don’t make this harder for me.”

AND THATS ON KEEPING IT REAL CAUSE PLEASEEEEE if I was Soonyoung and I had already deduced that you were okay, I would be laughing by capital A ass off at you trying to speak normally omfg

“I’m the hall monitor.”

this entire scene deserves an Oscar. the nonchalance, the commitment to the bit, the way Jun corrects you and lets you know that he was in fact, asking you out, it all had me giggling and kicking my feet. I would watch this if it was a movie fr

To be a woman was to perform. You were currently performing an illegal U-turn

IF YOU DONT STAND UP RN SO I CAN DAP YOU UP, CAUSE THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST TWO-LINER IVE HEARD IN A WHILE

Soonyoung had put his Crocs in sports mode.

listen if Crocs has a million haters I’m one of them. if Crocs has one hater it’s me. if Crocs has no haters I’m currently floating in a Crocless heaven, but when I tell you I nearly SPAT OUT MY DRINK READING THIS LIKE NOTHING COULD HAVE DIFFUSED THE TENSION BETTER, AUTHOR YOURE AMAZING

“Officer Hong,” he answered flatly.

IM GONNA KMS BECAUSE I DID NOT SPEND THE LAST WEEK WRITING JOSHUA HONG ROM COM ASS FANFICTION ONLY FOR HIM TO BETRAY ME AND COCKBLOCK US IN THE PARKING LOT LIKE THIS IM GONNA EVAPORATE INTO THE STRATOSPHERE

The man you almost ran over was your examiner.

no. please god no examiner Jeonghan would fail me before even getting into the car

closing thoughts

ohhhh my gosh so this is what it’s like to have two members of your bias line written by one of the best authors on the platform. I can’t express to you how much this silly story made my afternoon, how much it made me laugh, and gasp, and scream in excitement. you might have noticed that I stopped leaving comments during the smut scene and that’s because my brain just flat out STOPPED working *cough cough princess cough cough*. this was a lovely read, and I’ll be returning several times in the coming weeks for sure.

thank you for writing it,

bubbles <3(was @hyunjins-red-lights!)

driving lessons for dummies

❝ i can't parallel park, but i know all the lyrics to 'driver's license' by olivia rodrigo now. ❞

PAIRING ▸ kwon soonyoung x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ fluff, humor, smut, strangers to lovers au, college au

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, weed consumption, mc has the worst luck imaginable, soonyoung is down horrendous, there is a minor car crash, very minor description of blood, hurt/comfort, almost car sex, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), grinding, oral (fem. receiving), praise, lots of teasing, overstimulation, pet names (both sexy and unsexy), friend group shenanigans

SUMMARY ▸ you've finally passed your written test and gotten your permit after six failed attempts. eager to get your license while attempting to avoid overpriced driving lessons, you enlist the help of kwon soonyoung, who only requires a STIIZY pod as payment.

PLAYLIST ▸ new romantics by taylor swift • see you again by tyler, the creator, kali uchis 

WORD COUNT ▸ 16,834 words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ this is representation for all the girlies out there who can't drive. not me but

ONE OF THE MOST COMMON STEREOTYPES PERPETUATED AGAINST WOMEN WAS THAT THEY WERE DEEMED TERRIBLE DRIVERS. 

That, or they just flat-out couldn’t drive to save their lives. 

This sexist notion dated back to when the automobile was created, when driving was physically demanding work and men insisted they handled operating the vehicles themselves. Now, though, plenty of women drove just fine, but misogyny was the only thing keeping the stereotype relevant. 

After all, the only reason why women were considered “bad drivers” was because a man decided they were.

Screw all the women who revolutionized the automobile industry, right? Despite them being highly discouraged to take on the labor required of men, it was Bertha Benz who drove the furthest in a motorized carriage than anyone else. It was Anne French who was the first woman to receive a driver’s license. It was Marget Wilcox who invented the car heater, Mary Anderson who created windshield wipers, and Hedy Lamar who designed the wireless transmission technology that made the innovation of the GPS possible.

No matter how high that glass ceiling was, even if a woman demolished and obliterated it to pieces, there would always be a man out there who would push her right back down. 

Unfortunately, you were nowhere near smashing that glass ceiling because you had failed your permit test six times. 

Yes, it was embarrassing, but you were determined to get your license. At your age, it was getting ridiculous that you had consistently failed your permit test this many times. Plus, you were getting tired of asking all of your friends for rides. You envisioned picking them up in your new car with your shiny new license, grinning smugly at the shocked looks on their faces.

“I don’t think God wants you on the road,” Wen Junhui, your best friend since middle school, said as he dropped you off at the DMV. “If you fail a seventh time, I would personally just use public transportation for the rest of my life.” 

“If a sixteen-year-old can pass it without studying, then I can pass it,” you insisted. “Plus, I read the entire manual last night.”

“Yeah, except the sixteen-year-old passed it on their first or second try, and this is your seventh.” 

“Well, seventh time’s the charm, right?” 

“Right,” he replied, doubtful. He stopped the car in front of the DMV to let you out. “Well, good luck. I’m gonna go get gas and I’ll come back for you.”

“Thanks, Jun!” you chirped. “I swear I’ll pass it this time.”

“Sure.”

“Have some faith in me, please.”

When Junhui drove away, you steeled your nerves to mentally prepare yourself—not for the test but for interacting with the DMV employees. You weren’t a fan of being verbally abused by them, especially after having them roll their eyes at you the last six times you had to tell them you failed. 

But today would be different. 

Thankfully, the DMV wasn’t too busy today. You only had to wait twenty minutes until they called your number. After handing them the proper paperwork, you were directed to the computers to take the permit test. 

Since you were an adult, you only needed to get 30 questions correct out of 36. You had learned your lesson by now, so you actually studied the handbook this time. It took a while to admit to yourself that you weren’t blessed with common sense. 

First question. Wrong. 

Second question. Wrong. 

Third question. Wrong. 

What was happening?

By the time you had gotten five questions wrong in a row, your hands were shaking. The pressure started to set back in, and you were terrified about failing this exam a seventh time. Junhui would be so disappointed if you told him you failed again. 

You felt the back of your shirt cling to your skin once the sixth question was incorrect. This was ridiculous; you had studied, but these questions were strangely specific. It was like someone at the DMV had it out for you. 

Maybe Junhui was right. Maybe God didn’t want you on the road. 

You felt like your brain had entered auto-pilot to protect yourself from the discouraging loss of your permit yet again. You clicked through the rest of the questions mindlessly, hardly thinking about anything until— 

You passed! 

The white screen flashed in your face for about a minute before you could register it properly. All you could do was blink and stare until you pinched your wrist to make sure you weren’t seeing things. 

Had you really gotten the rest of the 30 questions right after your consecutive failed attempts? You were so worked up over the six you missed that the rest felt like a blur. Maybe the problem was that you had been overthinking the test this entire time. 

“I did it,” you breathed out to the woman at the counter, still in disbelief. “I passed.” 

“Congratulations,” she replied with little enthusiasm. She turned to grab papers from her printer, stapled them together, and handed you your brand new permit. “Have a nice day now.” 

“Thank you so much,” you replied, slightly distracted as you inspected your learner’s permit with wide eyes.

You had been waiting for this day for so long, and here you were, holding the permit you had spent years trying to obtain. You could only imagine how thrilled your parents and friends would be once they found out. 

Speaking of friends, when you checked your phone, you saw that Junhui had texted you five minutes ago that he was parked outside. He probably expected you to walk out with a gloomy expression and slumped shoulders, but you had a skip in your step this time. You finally had good news for your best friend. 

“Jun!” you yelled before you even opened the door to the passenger’s seat. “Jun, Jun, Jun, Jun!”

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he said sympathetically, but something about his automatic response definitely felt practiced, “you’ll get it next time.”

“No, Jun, I passed!”

His eyes went wide. “You did?!” 

“I did!” You squealed and practically jumped into the seat. Sinking back, a wide grin stretched across your face. “I finally did it.” 

“Yo, congrats.” Junhui grinned. “I guess the seventh time really is the charm, huh?” He started his car to pull out of the parking lot. “Well, now you just have to pass the driving test.” 

Your face fell.

You had been thinking about the permit test for so long that you forgot there was an actual driving component, too. 

First of all, you had never driven a vehicle in your life, not even illegally with friends. Second of all, you had terrible depth perception, which was probably not a great flaw to have if you wanted to drive. Thirdly, everything you prepared for the permit test had completely ejected from your brain. Your road sense was back to utterly clueless. 

“I’m gonna fail,” you said, defeated. “Jesus Christ, Jun, I didn’t even think about the actual driving test!”

“Relax, driving’s easy once you get the hang of it,” he replied. “What you should really be worrying about is how expensive those lessons are.” 

“How much are they?” 

“Uh, like, close to a few hundred.” 

“Total?” 

“No, per lesson.” 

“Per lesson?!” you cried. “Just for someone to tell me where to turn and brake? I can’t afford that!” 

“I’m guessing most of it is because they’re willingly sitting in a car with someone who doesn’t know shit about driving,” he explained, “but, yeah, it’s a crazy price. You do need to get that license before your permit expires, though, and you should probably get it done while you’re still here for college so you don’t run over the elementary schoolers back home.” 

You buried your face in your hands and let out a loud groan. “How am I gonna dish out hundreds of dollars? I don’t have that kind of money to spend when I have rent to pay off.” 

The corner of Junhui’s mouth lifted, more so exasperated than amused when he said, “I think I might know a guy.” 

Kwon Soonyoung. 

Junhui sent you his number after he dropped you off at your apartment. Apparently, Soonyoung was one of his good friends who also happened to have a side gig where he gave out driving lessons at a discounted price. Of course, the downside was that Soonyoung wasn’t exactly certified to teach people how to drive, but he was allegedly a good driver.

His lessons were normally for high schoolers, and he charged their parents around a hundred. For adults over the age of 21, though, he had a special offer that you couldn’t resist. 

You texted him to ask if he had any open spots for you. He took a few days to reply, but you eventually got a two-hour slot for the next week. You weren’t sure how effective his lessons would be, but you figured you would give it a shot since he was your age and giving out classes for cheap. 

When the day of your lessons rolled around, you were slightly anxious while you were waiting for him to arrive. You needed Junhui to reassure you for hours last night, promising that no, Soonyoung was not going to kidnap and murder you. He was a student at your university, actually, and he was a public health major who never had a murderous thought in his life.

soonyoung (driving instructor): i’m outside your house 

Okay, if he wasn’t a murderer, then the least he could do was not text you like one.  

After replying with an omw that autocorrected to On my way! and left you feeling very distressed that your communication sounded overly-enthusiastic, you worked up the courage to walk outside to his Honda Accord. 

“Hi,” you greeted shyly when you opened the door. “You’re Soonyoung, right?” 

Honestly, you didn’t care if he was Soonyoung or not. The man sitting in the driver’s seat was probably one of the most attractive people you had ever laid eyes on. Even if he wasn’t Kwon Soonyoung, you would happily let him kidnap you. Maybe you’d even blush a little because he picked you of all people to kidnap. 

He turned to look at you, seeming a little surprised that you opened the door but smiling nevertheless. “Yeah, that’s me. You’re Y/N?” 

When you nodded, he got out of the driver’s seat and motioned for you to take it. You skirted around the car to sit inside while Soonyoung took the passenger’s seat. 

You also got a glance of his off-brand, beige Fear of God Essentials sweater that read M.I.L.F. Hunter instead. Classy. 

“So, you came to me because you didn’t wanna give up your semester’s worth of college tuition for driving lessons,” Soonyoung said with an overwhelming air of confidence. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” You huffed. “Here, I heard this was your payment.”

You handed him a paper bag, not bothering to take out the receipt from the dispensary. Inside was the King Louis XIII STIIZY pod. One gram. 

“Ah, good. You know your stuff.” 

Soonyoung hummed as he examined the box, and you were just wondering when he would get to business and start showing you the controls in his car. You were slightly overwhelmed by his impressively relaxed demeanor. Maybe it would have been better if you settled for an uptight woman in her sixties. Pretty boys were always trouble. 

“You made the right choice coming to me. I’m a much better driver than those hags from the driving schools around here,” he continued. It was like he could read your mind; it was almost terrifying. “Plus, way less likely that I’ll get a heart attack in the passenger’s seat.” 

He was a total weirdo, but he was hot, so you supposed it canceled out in some obscure, mathematical sense. 

“That’s… good to hear, I think,” you replied. “So, are you, like, good at this?”

“Are you kidding? I’m basically the Lebron of driving.”

“I see.” You nodded along, unsure. “I don’t watch football, so…” 

“He plays basketball, but close enough.”

After spending about thirty minutes explaining all of the controls—from hand signals, to the dashboard, to the indicator—Soonyoung decided it was time for you to start driving on your own. You didn’t expect to move this quickly; actually, you didn’t think you’d even start driving until your second lesson. Thankfully, you gathered most of what Soonyoung had taught you, so you mustered up the courage to press your foot on the brakes and move the gear shift into drive. 

You looked over at Soonyoung expectantly, waiting for him to give you the green light to start driving. The boy only raised a brow at you, wondering why you hadn’t started driving yet. 

“Today would be nice,” he remarked.

“Uh, should I start now?”

“Sorry, I don’t have a starting pistol for you or anything.” He made a finger gun with his hand and pretended to fire. “On your mark, get set—”

“Okay, going,” you replied quickly, flushing with embarrassment. You pressed down on the accelerator and gasped as the car lurched forward. “Sorry!”

“Slowly!” Soonyoung cried out, holding onto the ‘oh shit’ handle, which you found highly unnecessary and felt somewhat offended about. “Press down slowly—gentle.”

The next hour of your lessons was a learning curve, to say the least. In your defense, it was your very first time driving, so you didn’t know you were actually supposed to look behind you before you switched lanes. Although Soonyoung kept reminding you, his instructions kept slipping your mind because you were focusing on several things at once. 

You sucked.

You were probably honked at around eight times and flipped off twice. It was a humbling experience, really. There was only so much a DMV victim could take, so you eventually had to pull over and try not to cry while Soonyoung consoled you. 

“C’mon, you probably didn’t even do anything wrong. It’s just their road rage,” he said, trying to duck his head to get a better look at you while you had your hands covering your face. “Plus, all those assholes were driving way over the speed limit. You were the responsible one back there.”

You sniffled, sucking in a shuddering breath before you gathered your composure. It wasn’t like you to be so vulnerable in front of a stranger like this, but it was probably the nerves of your first time driving coupled with the nerves of driving (and potentially damaging) someone else’s car. 

“You’re right.” You wiped at your damp cheek. “Fuck them. They couldn’t pass a driving test if they tried.”

“Well, technically, they already have.” 

“Not helping.”

He smirked. “Are you good to keep driving? Or do you wanna wrap this session up for today?” 

“Let’s keep going.” You set the car in drive again, but you looked over at Soonyoung before you did anything else. “Thanks, by the way. I’m guessing most of your students don’t usually pull over to cry during their lesson.” 

He shrugged. “Wouldn’t say it’s happened before, but it’s not a bad thing.”

It was a good thing that you were able to hide your blush from Soonyoung. With the clearly embarrassing impression you were making on him, it would have been mortifying if he found out that he was also making you flustered. 

For the next thirty minutes, you slowly started to get more comfortable behind the wheel. Soonyoung was thankfully not overbearing as most instructors normally were, so you didn’t end up flinching every time he spoke. 

He made light conversation to make you feel at ease, which you appreciated greatly. At first, you just nodded or hummed in response, as you were too afraid to do anything but stare at the road ahead, but you eventually steeled your nerves and replied with actual words. Soonyoung was a natural conversationalist, so you didn’t have to worry about your awkward pauses or stumbling over your words. He led the conversation, sharing random tidbits of his life that you wouldn’t expect to hear from someone the first time you met them. 

Everything seemed to be going perfectly normal until Soonyoung started queuing songs to play. 

The problem wasn’t the music. The problem was that Soonyoung had stopped teaching you to drive, allowing you to fend for your life while he sat back and relaxed. You weren’t sure if normal people were able to loosen up so easily while being driven by a complete amateur. 

Soonyoung must’ve been from a different planet, you decided. Some planet out there that deemed him the Lebron of driving. 

“Uh,” you started, “aren’t you gonna tell me where to go?” 

Soonyoung opened his mouth, as if he was going to ask what you meant, but then his demeanor completely shifted. 

“Pull over to the curb,” he instructed, “now.”

“What?” Your pulse raced, and you were scared that you had fucked up somehow. You checked your mirrors to make sure you hadn’t cut anyone off or anything, but there was no one behind you. Swallowing thickly, you pulled over to the curb as best as you could and parked the car, shooting your driving instructor a nervous glance. “Did I do something wr—”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Soonyoung whispered, silencing you with a wave of his hand. “This is the best part.”

Your jaw clenched as Olivia Rodrigo’s vocals were drowned out by Soonyoung’s off-key singing. This was why he wanted you to pull over? 

“I knew we weren’t perfect but I’ve never felt this way for no one!” he belted out. “C’mon, sing with me—oh, and I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone!”

You folded your arms across your chest. With a reluctant sigh, you gave in and started singing along with Soonyoung. 

You weren’t exactly ready for your driving test, but after two more lessons with Soonyoung, you felt more confident about being on the road. Sure, you almost ran over a pedestrian once and drove on the wrong side of the road the other day, but at least you were capable of handling a vehicle mostly by yourself. 

There were times where you wondered if your driving lessons would be more productive with a proper instructor, not Soonyoung. He surely knew how to drive (save for when he went over the speed limit and only slowed down when he saw a cop car), but he was more focused on messing around instead of actually teaching you. You were pretty sure that he saved his proper instruction for high school students with parents, and you were just someone he liked to mess around with. 

That didn’t stop you from scheduling another lesson with him, though. It was going to be another trip to the dispensary for you.

“How’re the driving lessons going?” Junhui asked, still nose-deep in his anatomy textbook. 

The two of you were preparing for your upcoming midterms in a study room, but all you could think about was the little notification on your phone screen telling you that Soonyoung requested to follow you on Instagram. How long were you supposed to wait until you accepted his request? Would it be weird if you followed him back right away?

“I can’t parallel park, but I know all the lyrics to ‘Driver’s License’ by Olivia Rodrigo now,” you answered. “I’ve also been honked at thirteen times.”

You counted. Mostly because each honk kept you up at night, staring up at your popcorn ceiling, wondering why everyone (a driver who probably didn’t even remember your face) hated you. 

“Ah,” Junhui mused, smiling a little to himself, “so it’s going well.” 

“I wouldn’t say that,” you mumbled. “But he’s nice. He doesn’t make me feel like crying. I think my dad would make me cry.”

Your phone buzzed while Junhui started going off on a tangent about how your dad was, indeed, a scary man. (There was an incident during parent’s weekend in freshman year where your father walked into your dorm room to see Junhui sitting on your bed. Completely misunderstanding the situation, your poor friend got lectured for almost an hour.) Soonyoung’s contact name flashed across your screen, and you were itching to read his text. 

Once you and Junhui settled back into studying, you turned on your phone to check your messages.

soonyoung (driving instructor): i see you in the first floor study room soonyoung (driving instructor): come to the second floor study room for a good time

Terrifying. But you were intrigued. 

After excusing yourself for a moment, making some lame excuse about needing to use the bathroom, you slipped out of your study room to head upstairs. You realized you had never actually seen Soonyoung on campus before, so a strange feeling of excitement consumed you, making your body feel light and your chest feel giddy. 

Outside one of the study rooms, you heard echoes of laughter and conversation, which made you feel instantly nervous. You were invited, though, so you steeled your nerves and opened the door cautiously. 

“Hi,” you greeted quietly, glancing over at the three strangers before your eyes landed on Soonyoung, who grinned once he saw you. 

The four of them weren’t exactly studying. Two of them were fiddling with the flatscreen fixed to the wall, trying to connect a Nintendo Switch to it; one of them was sliding joy-cons into controllers; and Soonyoung, who had his legs kicked up on the table previously, was standing up to walk over to you. 

“You came!” His tone made it seem like he was doubtful that you’d actually show up, so you were glad to prove him wrong. “Oh, yeah, this is Seungcheol and Mingyu”—he gestured toward the two who were setting up the TV, and then he pointed at the guy with the joy-cons—“and this is Seungkwan.”

“Hey,” the three of them chorused in broken unison. 

“Wanna play Smash Bros with us?” Soonyoung asked. “Perchance.”

“You can’t just say ‘perchance,’ dude,” one of the guys setting up the TV said. 

“I think it’s applicable, Mingyu,” the other guy said, whom you now deduced was Seungcheol. “Conceivably.”

“There’s no reason for either of you to use the words ‘perchance’ or ‘conceivably’ at all,” Seungkwan chimed in. 

“Ignore them,” Soonyoung said, holding the door open wider for you before you even gave him an answer. “They’re just idiots.” 

“You’re the biggest idiot here!” Seungcheol protested. He turned to you and explained, “He’s, like, the final boss idiot.” 

Mingyu snickered. “Final idiot.”

You found yourself giggling a little, distracted by their banter as you walked inside the room and sat down in one of the empty chairs. Soonyoung slid into the one next to you, even though he was sitting next to Seungkwan earlier. You were glad that none of his friends made you feel like your presence was strange or unwelcome, but you still couldn’t help but feel awkward. 

While Soonyoung was asking Seungcheol if he had finished connecting his Switch to the TV, you pulled out your phone to text Junhui. 

y/n: i’m playing smash bros??? with soonyoung on the second floor y/n: wanna join?

jun: my anatomy midterm is in 3 days, 2 hours, and 26 minutes and all i know rn is that tissues are to wipe my tears after i fail this exam, negative feedback is all im getting back from my professor, and brain cells r what im deficient in  

y/n: ok damn i’ll take that as a no

jun: i’ll be in here for the next 3 days whenever u decide to come back 

y/n: it’ll take an hour tops y/n: pls don’t camp here for 3 whole days 

“Jun’s not coming,” you announced. 

You heard a chorus of groans. 

Great. They were all Wen Junhui fanboys. 

After Mingyu and Seungcheol finished setting up the Nintendo Switch, you watched Soonyoung and Seungkwan play the first match. Seungkwan chose Villager (which was sort of fitting for him, actually) and Soonyoung chose Donkey Kong. You honestly had no idea how Smash Bros worked, so you were completely lost while you watched their characters fly around and knock each other off the platform. 

Soonyoung was screaming at one point, threatening Seungkwan with several promises to knock him out, which never happened. Seungkwan, taking a calmer approach, focused on using several commands while Soonyoung was already jumping out of his chair and on the floor. Mingyu and Seungcheol were on the sidelines, yelling out strategies for them at random and laughing occasionally. 

The match ended with Seungkwan being victorious. Soonyoung had gotten so riled up during the game, but he took his defeat like a champ, congratulating his friend and laughing off his loss. 

You were just amused at how quickly he switched up. 

“You want a turn?” Soonyoung asked you, handing you his controller. 

You hesitated. “Uh, I’m not really good at these kinds of games.”

“I’ll help you.”

You were up against Mingyu. He was a formidable opponent at first glance, but you hoped he wasn’t as competitive as the others. Maybe he would show you mercy because it was your first time playing. 

You held the controller with stiffly-bent arms, holding it up like you were reading a map. Soonyoung didn’t laugh at you, to your relief, but he gently pushed your hands down and showed you what all of the controls were. 

You chose the pink blob named Kirby. You weren’t a gamer by any means, so you had no idea what purpose the pink blob served other than being cute. No one judged you for your selection, though, which you assumed was a good sign. 

“Don’t go easy on me,” you mumbled to Mingyu, who grinned in response. 

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

Your heart raced when the countdown started. It felt like the longest three seconds of your life, and you were starting to regret choosing Kirby, who looked harmless in comparison to Mingyu’s character: Samus. You kept telling yourself that it was okay if you lost; you knew how to handle failure since you were pretty bad at virtually everything. 

Soonyoung was cheering for your victory as soon as the match started. He was an absolute angel for doing so, but you were afraid you were going to disappoint him. 

In Mingyu’s defense, you did tell him not to go easy on you. Unfortunately, the guy really wasn’t holding back at all. In the blink of an eye, you were already astral projecting off the screen. 

“Oh,” was all you could say. 

Maybe you should have swallowed down your pride and asked Mingyu to go easy on you.

Seungcheol playfully punched his friend’s shoulder. “C’mon, dude, it’s her first time.”

“Yeah, why’re you being a dick?” Seungkwan joined in, seeming more excited over having an excuse to target Mingyu than to actually defend you.

“She told me not to go easy on her!” he exclaimed, but no one allowed the poor boy to stand up for himself. With a pout, he turned to you and said, “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize.” You laughed. “I’m just bad at this.”

“Here, I’ll help you for the next round.” Soonyoung scooted closer to you until his knee brushed against yours. You couldn’t help but feel a little hot all of a sudden, but you made no effort to move away. 

The next round started with you dropping from the revival platform. You felt like your brain went into autopilot. You just heard Soonyoung talking in your ear while his fingers kept brushing against yours, telling you which controls were best for fighting Samus. Everything was going in one ear and out the other; you were so flustered that you could hardly think straight. 

You snapped back into reality when you heard three of them screaming, and you looked over with wide eyes to see Mingyu looking shell-shocked himself. 

You won. 

Soonyoung smiled. “See? You’re a natural.”

“No, it was all you,” you replied, shaking your head. It really was all thanks to Soonyoung because you had no idea what the hell you did. “It was probably just beginner’s luck.”

But, even so, a smile tugged at your lips, and you felt elated from your triumph. You thought back to Soonyoung’s hands brushing against yours, nearly swamping yours in comparison, and your chest felt a little warm. 

A little too warm. 

You put a pause on driving for a week and a half, informing Soonyoung that you had to focus on midterms before you could think about your driving lessons. Both caused you extreme distress, so you needed to cut one out temporarily.

Junhui really did camp out in the library for three entire days. You brought him food every day and forced him to go back to his apartment to take a shower. When you watched over his study room for him, Soonyoung would swing by and ask how you were doing. 

Brief interactions, but they were nice. 

You managed to get through your midterms without a single cry session in a bathroom stall. It was honestly a bigger success than your first Smash Bros win. 

Soonyoung and you grew a little closer. Two weeks ago, if someone told you that you would be FaceTiming your driving instructor every night before bed, you wouldn’t believe them for a second. Mostly because you assumed you would get a driving instructor who was pushing retirement age, and video calling someone that old at night sounded a little concerning and borderline adulterous.

You learned a lot about him. His go-to breakfast or midnight snack was Frosted Flakes, and he felt a little empty inside if there wasn’t a box of the cereal in his cabinet. He was loud most of the time, but he often got shy or quiet in loud settings; it was highly dependent on the crowd he was with. His love language was sending you pictures of cute animals and saying it was you two. (You also didn’t like calling this a “love language” because that implied there was something deeper than platonic feelings, which you were too afraid to come to terms with.)

“You have to start driving again now that your midterms are over,” Soonyoung said over the phone one night. He was sulking while you were doing your skincare routine, keeping your phone propped up on your desk. “You’re gonna start forgetting what you learned, and then we’re gonna be back to square one.”

He was (slightly) high tonight and you were the first person he called.

You were pretty sure that had to mean something. Unfortunately, you were too guarded to connect the pieces that were laid out perfectly for you.

“You just miss me, huh?” you joked. 

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

Nothing could have prepared you for that response. 

You felt your cheeks burn, and you had to physically turn around to hide whatever expression was betraying you. You pretended to examine something behind you, but there was clearly nothing there, so you just looked like an idiot. 

You didn’t know what you were feeling. There was a clear difference in your emotions when you spoke to Soonyoung versus when you spoke to his friends. 

You didn’t want to compare Soonyoung to Junhui, who you knew since middle school, but you knew that you didn’t feel anything funny in your chest when you interacted with Seungcheol, Seungkwan, or Mingyu. They were great to be around, of course, but it was only Soonyoung who made you walk with a little skip in your step.

You hadn’t had a proper crush in years. Now, you felt like you were overthinking everything and analyzing every little interaction that could possibly be meaningless. 

It had only been a few weeks, but you supposed there was no exact timeline for these sorts of things—whatever this thing was. 

Whatever it was, though, you were in danger.

“Tomorrow, then,” you said once you regained a sliver of your composure. “Pick me up after your classes.”

“Sure.” He rested his chin in his palm, staring at you with an amused expression. “I’ll bring flowers.”

Possible Ways To Respond: 1. “You’re too sweet! Thank you.” 2. “Flowers? What’s the occasion?” 3. “Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special, huh?” 

You went with a secret fourth option.

“Please don’t. I’m allergic.”

True to his word, Soonyoung picked you up after his classes the next day. 

You were pretty sure your lessons had gone over the regular quota, so you stopped by at the dispensary earlier to pick up another pod for Soonyoung. He didn’t look as though he was expecting anything when you got in the driver’s seat, though. In fact, he was perplexed when you handed him the paper bag. 

“What’s this?” he asked, growing sheepish. 

“Your payment,” you replied. “Also, I sort of lied about being allergic to flowers. I’m not allergic to flowers. I don’t know why I said that. I’m allergic to penicillin, though, but I don’t think that sounds remotely close to ‘flowers.’ Maybe I got confused? I don’t know.”

If this was an otome game, you had surely picked the bad relationship ending. Soonyoung’s face fell a little—just enough for you to notice—and you immediately felt guilt swallowing you whole. You meant for your words to sound lighthearted, but maybe they didn’t come across that way. 

But, at the same time, you didn’t know where you stood. Wouldn’t it have been unfair to not repay Soonyoung for the lessons? Was it unreasonable that you weren’t actually expecting him to bring you flowers for no reason?

Soonyoung recovered quickly, though, his smiling eyes crinkling at the corners. “So I can bring you flowers.”

“Hypothetically, you could.”

“But you don’t have to pay me anymore.” He looked into the paper bag, examining the STIIZY pod before scoffing. “If I keep stocking up on these, people are gonna think I’m a stoner.” 

“Well, I have to pay you for the lessons somehow,” you said. “So, if you don’t want the pods anymore, then I’ll have to start sending you money. I mean, what about gas?”

“You don’t have to worry about my gas tank.” He chuckled at your words and sat back to get comfortable. “What you should worry about is not hitting the curb.”

You flushed hotly. “Right.”

The first hour went smoothly. Soonyoung was impressed that you were gradually getting more and more comfortable behind the wheel, and he even congratulated you for changing lanes without muttering prayers under your breath. You were beginning to feel less overwhelmed with everything you were supposed to focus on, and you were certain that you were so close to everything clicking at once. 

That was, until a car crashed right into you on a local road. 

Thankfully, you and the other driver weren’t going too fast, but the force was sure to leave a dent in Soonyoung’s car. The collision wasn’t hard, by any means, but the impact jerked your body forward so that your mouth hit the steering wheel. The sting of pain radiated throughout your gums seconds later, and you winced and cradled your jaw. 

You immediately bubbled with rage as you pulled over to the curb, knowing that you had the right of way and he was supposed to stop and wait for you to pass, but you were still stiff with shock. Soonyoung’s eyes were fierce, looking back at the driver as if he was about to cuss him out, but then he turned his attention to you.

Before you could feel immense, crushing guilt over crashing Soonyoung’s car, you whipped your head around to make sure he wasn’t hurt. You wouldn’t be surprised if he completely ghosted you after this. You were probably the worst student he had ever come across, which was saying a lot considering most of his students were high school teenagers. 

“Y/N, are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asked, sounding as frantic as his hands were. You felt his palm against your cheek and his other hand atop your head, making sure you weren’t hurt anywhere. 

“Are you okay?” you blurted out. Your breathing was erratic, and you hardly registered the metallic taste of blood in your mouth. “Oh god. Your car. Oh god, I—” 

“It’s okay, Y/N, it’s not your fault,” he said. “You had the right of—” 

When he turned to look at you again, he just stared, eyes wide and jaw hanging open—almost comically. It almost looked like he was more bewildered by you than the fact that his car was rammed into by another car. 

He was wordless for far too long that you had to ask, “Everything okay?” 

Maybe that was a stupid question. Clearly, everything wasn’t okay, and it had everything to do with the fact that you two had gotten into a car crash.

“I think you loth a tooth,” he lisped—a seemingly joking remark, but his expression was dead serious.

For a split second, a laugh bubbled up in your mouth. You thought Soonyoung must have been messing with you, but it was ridiculous that he could joke around in such a situation. It was when you touched your lip and pulled your hand back to see blood, though, that cold reality washed over you.

Your eyes went wide as saucers as you turned to examine your teeth in the rear-view mirror. 

The worst possible thing that could happen to a woman was happening to you right now. 

Your front left tooth was gone. 

“I-it’s not that bad,” Soonyoung tried, although he sounded unconvinced himself. “It’s cute! It’s like, uh, that dragon—from, uh… How to Train Your Dragon.” 

Your eyes were burning and your throat was closing up, but tonguing the bloodied gap between your teeth sent you over the edge. You had tears streaming down your cheeks and you were gripping the wheel so hard that your knuckles turned pale.

“Toothleth?” you cried, which led to a few choked sobs when you realized that you had a lisp now. Then, you were full-on crying into your hands because sure, you could get over being the reason why Soonyoung’s car had a dent in it, but you were pretty sure there was no replacing a missing tooth. The more you cried, though, the worse you felt as you tasted the blood and heard the faint whistles coming from the gap in your teeth. “I’m tho thupid!” 

Soonyoung was clearly short-circuiting, but you could tell he was desperate to calm you down by the way he was rubbing your back in soothing circles. “Y/N, you’re not stupid. It's okay, we just—”

“Thoonyoung!”

Soonyoung slapped his hand over his mouth to suppress his laughter. He was trying to take you seriously, but the little bursts of laughter that bubbled up in his throat were betraying him. 

You swallowed down your sob and continued, “Ith not okay! I loth my tooth!” 

“Okay, no more talking,” he ordered. “I know you’re very hurt right now, but you’re gonna feel even worse if I start laughing at your lisp, so don’t make this harder for me.” 

You scowled at him, but you kept your mouth shut because Soonyoung was right; you were not in the proper headspace to be laughed at right now. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go outside and talk to the driver who ran into us,” he explained slowly. “I want you to calm your breathing and find your missing tooth. We can drive to the dentist right after, okay?” 

You sniffled and nodded, craning your neck to watch Soonyoung get out of the car to talk to the driver. Then, you sucked in a sharp breath and examined the floor to find your loose tooth. Lo and behold, it was laying next to the gas pedal. You cringed as you picked it up, frowning at how bloody it was in your palm. There were a few napkins in Soonyoung’s glove compartment, so you wrapped your tooth in one and kept it in your pocket.

You heard some yelling from the other driver—something about having kids in the back and how you were going way too fast—and it all just made you feel worse. You felt horrible that Soonyoung had to deal with the repercussions, and after they exchanged insurances and the guy drove off, you got out of the car to see the damage. 

Surely enough, there was a decent-sized dent in the side of his car. It was right where the back door opened, and you burst into tears at the sight of it. Soonyoung wouldn’t have to deal with all of this if he wasn’t teaching you to drive.  

Still, he wrapped his arms around your shaking body and pulled you in close. He rested his chin on top of your head and sighed. 

“It’s okay,” he murmured. “The insurance will cover the damage. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“What about my tooth?”

“Okay, maybe there’s one thing to worry about.”

You leaned into his touch when you felt his hand carding through your hair. His motions were slow and gentle, as if he was trying hard to make sure you didn’t notice the gesture. You did, though, and you appreciated it. 

You started, “I’m—”

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” he interrupted. You thought he was going to say something cheesy about how you had nothing to apologize for, but he continued, “You’re gonna say thorry, and I’m not gonna be able to take you seriously.”

With your face buried in his chest, you reached your hand out to punch his shoulder. 

Still, despite his snarky comment and the emotional distress you were experiencing over your missing tooth, a big smile crossed your face and his embrace left a warm, fluttery feeling in your stomach. 

Your heart was beating so fast that you almost thought it would stop. 

“Ew,” was Wen Junhui’s first reaction upon seeing your swollen lip. You could only see the top half of his face over FaceTime, but you were sure he had a look of disgust on. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks,” you replied dryly, holding an ice pack to your cheek. 

Before Soonyoung drove you to a dentist, he scolded you for leaving your tooth wrapped up in a tissue. Apparently, your tooth was going to be fucked if it dried up, so his solution was to leave it in his half-empty water bottle that was left sitting in his car. You weren’t quite sure about this, but the dentist informed you that Soonyoung saved your front tooth. 

If he was with you in the room, you probably could’ve kissed him then and there—bloody mouth and all.

Thankfully, since you didn’t fracture or break any part of the tooth, the dentists were able to replant it into your gums without any complications. They told you it was a good thing you went straight to the dentist instead of waiting. Your front tooth would’ve been a lost cause if you waited another hour. 

It was really all thanks to Soonyoung. 

The procedure was quick and you were told that your avulsed tooth would be back to normal in about a week. The news filled you with relief because you were so sure you were going to be toothless for the rest of your life. 

Not that it was a bad thing. While Soonyoung was driving you to the dentist prior to the replantation, you had come to terms with the fact that you would be missing a front tooth for the rest of your life. You would grow old and tell your children the harrowing tale of how you got your driver’s license and sacrificed your front tooth for it. 

It couldn’t be all that horrible. Maybe you would grow an affinity for whistling.

Thankfully, that was all just your overthinking and your tooth was probably fine now. In seven days, everything was supposed to go back to normal, so you had your fingers crossed for a full recovery. 

“Of course that would happen to you.” Junhui laughed at your misery. “Shit like this only happens to you.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m the pinnacle of terrible luck.”

“So, what happened after? Did you make out with Soonyoung or something?” 

“No!” you exclaimed. Your cheeks started to burn just at the thought. “How do you expect me to make out with someone when I look like this? Soonyoung drove me home like a gentleman. He’s not into me like that.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes. “I don’t think I’ll be seeing him for a while, anyway. I don’t wanna start driving again until my tooth is fine.”

“Then maybe you can go on a different kind of ride with him instead.”

“You need to stop.”

You didn’t see Soonyoung much over the next week. He told you that he had a few papers to finish before his schedule would clear up, so you were only able to text him occasionally and see him in passing, exchanging a greeting before one of you had to go. 

You saw his friends a lot, though. They were always in the study room next to the one you and Junhui liked to use, so you would stop by their room often to see what they were up to. They were usually either messing around or using the whiteboard for everything but its intended purpose, so you enjoyed taking study breaks with them. Junhui was the type to not take breaks because he was locked in on his work once he got in the zone, so Soonyoung’s friends were a breath of fresh air. 

Your Current Opinions on Soonyoung’s Friends:

Mingyu: Kind. Approached you whenever he saw you. Pleasant conversations. Swiped up on your Snapchat stories sometimes. Was unfortunately the only person you forgot to block from your story once when you posted a semi-thirst trap just for Soonyoung’s eyes.

Seungcheol: Friendly whenever he talked to you. A little awkward because you once saw him taking selfies at the gym instead of working out. 

Seungkwan: Not super buddy-buddy but sweet enough. Liked making fun of Soonyoung with you. He brought you McDonald’s once and you imagined a future with him momentarily.

Word also got around that your front tooth had been knocked out clean. Seungcheol let it slip when he accidentally referred to you as ‘Toothless’ the other day. You made a mental note to kill Soonyoung later.

The next time you ran into your driving instructor on campus was outside one of your lecture halls. You walked out in the middle of class to fill up your hydroflask. It was especially hot today, and you were seconds away from heat exhaustion. Soonyoung’s brows lifted in pleasant surprise once he saw you, and he missed his elevator to walk up to you.

“Whoa.” You paused for a moment, unblinking. “I keep forgetting you go here.”

“I’m the hall monitor.”

“This is college. We don’t have hall monitors.”

“Self-elected,” was his response. “Speaking of, I don’t see your bathroom pass.”

“I’m not going to the bathroom. I’m filling up my water. Anyway, why would I—”

“Just this once, I’ll let you off with a warning,” he interjected, pulling out a card from the pocket of his jeans. He handed it to you, and you accepted it after a moment of hesitation. “There’s your bathroom pass. Don’t let me catch you loitering around here again.” 

With that, Soonyoung walked off, leaving you utterly confused. 

You flipped the business card around to see his name and number printed neatly in the middle, and you frowned in response. There was some other fine text on the back, but you didn’t take the time to read it properly as you were still baffled. 

“I already have your number!” you called after him, but you just heard your driving instructor laugh to himself in response as he disappeared behind the elevator doors.

Later, after your classes ended, you went back to your study room with Junhui. He had been in the library since morning, deciding to skip his classes to prepare for his second round of midterms that he still had a few weeks for. 

You told him about your encounter with Soonyoung, noting how strange it was that he casually had business cards on hand. Junhui asked to see the card, so you handed it over to him. 

Upon closer inspection, Junhui raised his eyebrows, impressed. “Hall monitor rizz.”

“How was that rizz? He told me it was a bathroom pass and left.”

“Well, I’d consider it rizz since he’s asking you out on a date.”

Heat rose to your cheeks. “You think he’s asking me out on a date?” 

“No, I know he’s asking you out on a date.” Junhui flipped Soonyoung’s business card around to show you the fine print: Schedule our first date with the number provided on the other side of this card. The corner of his mouth lifted. “Says it right here. He’s just shy, Y/N.”

“Shy? Him? He doesn’t look like the shy type.”

“He’s shy,” he affirmed, “around you, at least. I mean, you’d get shy around the person you liked, wouldn’t you?” 

“I guess, but…” you trailed off, shaking your head. “No, this is normal, right? Dates are normal. We’re just two normal adults going on a normal date. Nothing weird about that, right? I shouldn’t feel so weird about this. Do I sound weird? Am I weird?”

You didn’t realize you had gotten up and started pacing until you turned to see Junhui looking at you with concern hanging in his brows. You sucked in a sharp breath and sank back into your seat, burying your face in your hands. 

“I’m in way over my head,” you mumbled. 

“You’re nervous ‘cause you have a crush on him,” he replied. “Nothing weird about that.”

“I have a crush on him,” you echoed, more so to yourself than to Junhui. 

Although you were partly in denial, still tossing and turning the prospect of crushing on Soonyoung around in your head, Junhui took your words as confirmation. He hummed knowingly and turned back to his textbook, leaving you to ruminate for the next thirty minutes in silence before you excused yourself. 

You were currently speed walking to your usual bus stop, hoping you would be able to stop thinking about Soonyoung and the business card tucked into your pocket. However, you couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of you developing a tiny crush on him. 

You hadn’t had a proper crush in ages. The last time you had strong feelings for someone was in high school, which promptly ended following your first date—after an eight month talking stage. You proposed going to the fair, which seemed fine until you threw up on the ferris wheel and received an ‘I don’t think this is going to work out’ text later that night. 

And why were you so flustered over this, anyway? After all, you had been anticipating the day Soonyoung would make the first move. Plus, you were an adult; overthinking your feelings like this was so high school. 

Whatever. You had nothing to lose.

You pulled out your phone to text Soonyoung, a small smile crossing your face once you caught sight of his profile picture again. It was a picture of him with all his hair flying every which way in the wind and his mouth open to yell some profanity. 

y/n: date. y/n: this week any day 

soonyoung (driving instructor): WHOA!!!!!!

y/n: what day what day what day what day what day what day what day what day what day what day what day what day what day

soonyoung (driving instructor): tomorrow night

y/n: okay

soonyoung (driving instructor): okay

y/n: okay.

soonyoung (driving instructor): okay. soonyoung (driving instructor): can’t wait

y/n: me neither

soonyoung (driving instructor): pick you up at 8

y/n: i’ll be ready

soonyoung (driving instructor): i’ll be even more ready

Your heart didn’t stop pounding for the rest of the day.

To be a woman was to perform. 

You were currently performing an illegal U-turn. 

Soonyoung held onto the ‘oh shit’ handle fixed to the ceiling, his face contorted in absolute fear as he repeated, “Wrong lane, wrong lane, wrong lane, wrong lane, wrong lane—”

“Sorry!” you exclaimed, swerving back into your correct lane after checking your mirrors. You swallowed thickly before saying, “I’ve got it under control now, I think.”

Of course, you had been nervous the entire day and a half leading up to your date with Soonyoung, but how you felt right now had completely reigned over every emotion you were feeling before. 

Throughout the day, you had butterflies in your stomach and a little skip to your step, but now you were terrified of things you had never even worried about before. The reason you took a U-turn in the first place was because Soonyoung told you that you missed the parking lot entrance, causing you to panic in the middle of the road (which, on your part, was not very smart.) 

In short, Soonyoung should not have let you take the wheel, and you should not have gotten this worked up over him planning to take you to the local fair. 

What were the odds that you were back in the place where you had an awful last date? You could almost feel the bile rising up your throat.

Soonyoung’s voice was unnaturally high-pitched when he asked, “A-are you sure you’re ready to schedule that driving test?” 

“Yes! I’m ready,” you said, “but, to make things clear, my driving today is not representative of my driving any other day.”

Somehow, you and Soonyoung wound up making it to the fairgrounds’ parking lot in one piece. You deflated upon hearing the sigh of relief escape Soonyoung’s lips once the car was in park, but it was well deserved. You were surprised he even let you drive in the first place. 

The fairgrounds were packed with people—mostly students—so there were several couples going around with their fingers interlocked. You were now hyper-aware of your fingertips, wondering if you’d get the chance to brush them against Soonyoung’s and slowly slide your hand into his. 

He ended up paying for your ticket, and you didn’t have much room to argue about it because the employee was already taking his card before you even noticed. You told Soonyoung you would pay for something else—food, rides, raffle tickets—but he ended up covering everything for you. Of course, you were sure Junhui would have scolded you because turning down a guy paying for you was apparently equivalent to turning down the guy himself. So, you swallowed your pride and let Soonyoung take the lead. 

You went on a few rides with Soonyoung, shared a churro, and you took a picture in front of the ferris wheel. You were having a great time, actually, and almost all of your nerves had all but melted away. All that was left to deem this a perfect date was to actually ride the ferris wheel, which was exactly what you were absolutely terrified of. 

“Not good with heights?” Soonyoung asked as you two were getting into the seat, pulling down the lap bar for you two. 

You wondered if you looked as ghastly as you felt. “Not so much.”

You weren’t good with a lot of things, to be fair.

Smooth talker Soonyoung took that as his opportunity to slip his hand into yours, lacing your fingers together with a shy smile on his face. “You can close your eyes if it gets scary, or just keep looking at me.”

Honestly, that sounded scarier than the possibility of plummeting to your death from the top of the ferris wheel. You weren’t sure your heart could handle staring at Soonyoung, especially with how flustered his gaze made you feel. 

“Hey, could I ask you something?” you asked, nearly shying away when Soonyoung fixed his gaze on you. “When did you start liking me? I mean, I had no idea.”

“Uh…” The ride started moving backward as Soonyoung hummed in thought. “Probably that first time you were in my car?”

Your eyes went wide. “You mean our very first lesson?”

“Yeah, I thought you were cute—a little weird, but cute.” He grinned. “I think it was when you fell asleep over FaceTime that one night when I started catching feelings.”

Your cheeks burned. You weren’t sure if you could pinpoint a specific moment like he did; you just remembered your heart started beating faster when you saw him one day, and the rest was history. It was almost incredible how blindsided you were by his feelings, even though he had integrated himself into your daily life so naturally.

“And then you posted that one picture on your story once,” he continued, voice growing shy once he realized what he admitted out loud, “and that was when I knew I was really in too deep.”

You blanched with embarrassment. He must have been talking about the thirst trap because that was the only time you ever posted yourself so confidently. How were you going to explain that you blocked everyone else from your Snapchat story just for him to see that?

A nervous laugh bubbled from your lips. “About that—”

Before you could get any other words out, though, you became painfully aware of your surroundings. Your seat started swinging with the strong winds, and you realized that you were at the very top. If you leaned over enough, you were pretty sure your seat would tip over and drop you and Soonyoung right out. The very thought paralyzed you to the core. 

Just as Soonyoung was in the middle of asking if you were okay, the ferris wheel started moving faster, and you yelped and clung onto him as you two went down. You were fine with the slow pace with breaks in between, but now that you were moving at full speed in one go, it was downright terrifying. 

Soonyoung seemed to find it hilarious, though. He laughed and wrapped an arm around you while you were the very picture of fear. You buried your face into his chest and dug your nails in so hard that you were afraid he would feel them through his sweater. 

Finally, it came to a stop. The ride operator started letting people out one seat at a time, but you and Soonyoung had ended up at the very top again. You raised your head to sit upright again, letting out an exasperated breath, but Soonyoung drew you closer. He was still laughing, and it made you blush uncontrollably. 

“Just so you know, I’m good with any other ride!” you tried to defend yourself. “Well, actually, save for roller coasters and drop towers… oh, and—”

“Y/N,” Soonyoung cut you off with a smile, his voice hardly a murmur. Before, you could barely hear him over the excited cries and shouts in the fair, but now your attention had zeroed in on him. You felt disoriented as he placed his warm hand on your cheek, tilting his head and leaning in. “C’mere.”

You were too shy to admit it, but you had fantasized about making out with Soonyoung before. Of course, you never knew what type of kisser he was, so you just settled for whatever fantasy played out in your head.

Now, though, with his lips pressed against yours, you felt something hot and needy stir up inside you as he tugged you impossibly close to his body. Your stomach fluttered when you let slip a whimper, which Soonyoung didn’t let go unnoticed. He pulled back for a moment, his gaze darkening, promising to return to that later, and he returned to kissing you. 

When you were almost near the ground, you and Soonyoung pulled away. There were definitely far too many children and parents around for you two to be kissing like that, but now you were anticipating how things would be once you two were alone. 

“You two have fun?” the ride operator, who appeared to be an older teenager, asked with a teasing lilt to his voice. 

All you could do was nod and duck your head in embarrassment while Soonyoung beamed brighter than the flashing lights. 

You spent some more time with Soonyoung on a few more (tamer) rides before you two decided to call it a day. Your feet were getting sore, so he courteously offered to drive the both of you home. However, you had an itching feeling that he just didn’t want you behind the wheel again. 

“Wanna get something to eat?” he asked once you both were inside the car, and he turned his head around as he reversed. “There’s a good froyo place down the street.”

“Yeah, let’s do that,” you agreed quickly. Deep down, you were hoping this date wouldn’t end just yet.

Soonyoung played Olivia Rodrigo’s new album as he drove, rolling the window down so that the wind tousled his hair. You thought he looked cute that way, and you had to keep your hand under your thigh to keep it from reaching over and running it through his locks. 

When he parked in front of the froyo place, it appeared completely dark inside. It was also evidently clear that the only cars parked in the lot were the overflow crowd of people from the fair who couldn’t get a parking spot at the fairgrounds. 

“Did we miss it?” He frowned, pausing to look up the store hours on his iPhone. “Man. I didn’t want our date to end like this.”

“I don’t want it to end, either.”

Soonyoung looked over at you, studying your expression carefully before asking, “Do you wanna chill in the back for a while, then?”

You knew what that meant. And you had specifically worn your matching lingerie set just for this moment. 

You unlatched your seatbelt, and Soonyoung followed suit right after. “Yeah, I’m down.” 

“Wait, there’s something I need to do first,” Soonyoung said in a soft voice, looking down at you with gentle eyes. 

For a moment, your heart jumped to your throat. The way he was looking at you sent butterflies to your stomach, and you couldn’t even imagine what he was going to do next. Something about his tone was so sincere that you were sure he was going to kiss you, especially when he started leaning down. 

You let your eyes flutter shut, waiting for his soft lips to meet yours. Your heartbeat felt like a drum in your ears. 

But nothing happened. No kiss. Nothing. 

You opened your eyes to see what Soonyoung was doing. When you saw him hunched over, fiddling with something near his ankles, your face deadpanned—not a flicker of amusement. 

Soonyoung had put his Crocs in sports mode. 

First of all, wearing Crocs on the first date was absurd.

Second of all, putting your Crocs in sports mode on the first date was absolutely preposterous. 

Yet, it was the perfect thing Soonyoung had done to put your nerves completely at ease. You ended up bursting into laughter at the very sight, making his head shoot up while his eyebrows were drawn together, perplexed. However, he happened to hit his head on the steering wheel as he did so, which only made you laugh even harder. 

Your sudden surge of confidence spurred you to crawl over the gear stick and straddle his lap. Shocked, Soonyoung gripped your thighs and straightened up. Before his lip could curl up in amusement, you wrapped your arms around his neck and slotted your lips with his. 

He broke for air for a moment, breathing out, “Well, hi.”

“Hi.” Your nose gently bumped against his. “Having second thoughts?” 

“No!” he exclaimed, rubbing his hands up and down your sides. “I just didn’t wanna start anything because I wasn’t sure if you were ready.” He threw a glance over his shoulder before looking out the window. “Plus, this place isn’t exactly private.” 

You looked out the window while Soonyoung’s warm hands returned to your thighs. It was true that there were empty cars around, but there weren’t any people in sight. It was still early in the night, so you were sure people would stay at the fairgrounds until midnight. 

“Hey,” Soonyoung started again, “what was that you were gonna say on the ferris wheel? Before we, uh, made out.” 

“Oh.” Shame bubbled in your chest when you realized what he was talking about. “Nothing important.”

“Tell me.”

Moonlight shone in from the window, illuminating the side of Soonyoung’s face and his neck, showing off his prominent collarbones. His low voice reached your core in a way you had never experienced before. You flushed with embarrassment because you were certain Soonyoung could feel how you clenched. 

You looked out the window, as if you could mentally escape through it. Find a way to get out of the situation you were in. 

“Fine.” He huffed lightly before placing a hand behind your neck and drawing you closer. “I’ll just get it out of you, then.”

Notably flustered, you gasped when Soonyoung’s lips latched onto the side of your neck, biting and sucking the tender skin. You croaked out some lame lie about forgetting what you were trying to say, but Soonyoung persisted. He ravaged the column of your neck like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. 

You scooted up on his lap, sitting right on top of his growing bulge, which roused a throaty groan from him. You could feel Soonyoung twitch under you, and it was all that was needed for you to start grinding your hips slowly on his lap. And then he started guiding your hips down onto him. Your breath hitched when you felt his fingers dig into the grooves of your hips to take control of your motions. 

“Tell me,” he beseeched, and you shivered when you could feel his smile against your jawline.

You let out a whine. “It’s embarrassing.” 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, distracted as he looked up at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. His hands never left your hips as he watched you grind down on his lap. Soonyoung’s eyes were unfocused for a moment before clarity bled back into him. “It was about the Snapchat story, right? That one picture you posted.” 

“I don’t remember what that was,” you attempted to lie smoothly, but you were pretty sure your expression betrayed you once Soonyoung slid a hand under your shirt to cup your chest. 

“Yeah, you do. The one where you were wearing those thigh-high stockings.” You saw a flash of darkness in his eyes. “Can’t believe everyone got to see you like that.”

“I wouldn’t say everyone,” you muttered. 

“Hm?”

His thumb, after his hand managed to creep under your bra, found purchase on your nipple, rolling and circling around the supple flesh as he pleased. You only managed to let out a cry before Soonyoung was pressing you further, ordering you to answer him before he made you fall apart. 

You were so caught up in your own pleasure, practically chest-to-chest with Soonyoung, that you hardly noticed the knock on the window until Soonyoung jolted upright and straightened his back. 

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath, voice still thick with lust that was ebbing away. Thankfully, you both were still mostly clothed, but Soonyoung had his pants nearly down and you had your shirt riding up past your waist.

The officer stopped knocking to give Soonyoung the opportunity to roll the window down after he was decent. It was evidently an uncomfortable situation for both parties. You turned your head to the side, screwing your eyes shut and hoping you would blink out of existence if you tried hard enough. You never thought you would have a cop at your window before even getting your license. 

“Hi,” he greeted sheepishly once the window was down. “Sorry, we’ll get going now.”

“Yeah, uh…” The officer trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck with a long-winded sigh. “I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but keep it in the bedroom, please.”

“Thanks…” Soonyoung trailed off, looking for some sort of identification tag. 

“Officer Hong,” he answered flatly. 

“Thanks, Officer Hong.”

“Don’t let me catch you two again.”

“Oh, probably not me, but once she gets her license then it’s over for—ow!” Soonyoung yelped when you pinched him in the side, effectively shutting him up. He immediately apologized, “Sorry, Officer Hong, it won’t happen again.”

The encounter with the police officer was awkward, yes, but somehow, Soonyoung was unfazed once you two had gotten off with the warning. He coolly looked up at you and asked if he could come over to your place tonight. You agreed, of course.

The drive home was perfectly fine. Soonyoung made sure you weren’t too startled by the officer and asked how you liked the fair. You thought it was all pleasant conversation that would continue once you were in your living room, but Soonyoung pinned you up against your front door as soon as you were inside. 

His strong arms caged you in his hold, and you could only helplessly look up at him and warble out some pathetic question, asking if he wanted water or snacks. He turned the offer down, obviously. 

Since you two had already gotten this far, you figured you might as well let Soonyoung in on your little secret. Although it was slightly humiliating to admit, you realized tonight that far more embarrassing things had happened to you. 

“You really wanna know, don’t you?” When he nodded in response, you sighed and explained, “What I posted on my story… I blocked everyone else so that only you’d see it.”

Well, him and Mingyu, but the latter was purely accidental. 

Hearing your words flipped a switch in Soonyoung and he completely froze up, as if he had stopped functioning altogether.

“Well, technically, you and Mingyu,” you rambled on, “but that’s only because I forgot to block him from my story. You know, I have, like, two hundred people on Snapchat, so I figured I’d accidentally skip over someone, anyway. But I don’t think he even paid any attention to it. I feel like he’d—”

He cut you off by sealing his lips over yours, and all the noise in your head simmered down. All the fluff filling up your brain billowed and sank back down. You remembered when you were a middle schooler, giggling and replaying the scenes in movies that were exactly like this. Now that you were actually living in it, though, you couldn’t get enough of Soonyoung. 

He broke away for a breather, lips hanging barely an inch from yours and your foreheads touching. His heavily-lidded eyes found yours, gazing at you longingly through his lashes. 

“No offense,” he started with a smirk, “but I don’t really care about Mingyu right now.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but you shut it as soon as you realized that you had nothing intelligent to contribute. You recognized that most of your mindless ramblings probably killed the mood—for you, at least.

He pressed a kiss to your cheek, then your jaw, then the side of your neck. As he moved down to your chest, Soonyoung’s kisses grew sloppier and open-mouthed. He tugged at your shirt, and you helped him remove it with ease, snapping your bra off in the process and letting it fall to the floor. His hungry gaze upon seeing you bare before him made you ache for more. Soonyoung let out a groan and let his tongue drag over your nipple, circling and flicking around the sensitive skin until you were moaning shamelessly.

With his head ducked so that his lips could ravage your chest, Soonyoung bent down just a little bit more to wrap his arms around your thighs. He scooped you up in his arms swiftly, making you yelp, and he walked you to your bedroom after you whispered where your room was. He was so strong that you hardly had to hold onto him, but his strength was a double-edged sword because he had you pinned down on your bed in seconds. 

A grin crossed Soonyoung’s face as his lips returned to your chest. This time, his lips made their way down your body, to your stomach. You curled your hand in his hair, tugged hard because you wanted more, but Soonyoung was relentless with his teasing. He pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses that made you squirm under him and ache for more. They were slow and torturous, and you only grew more needy as he made his way down. 

“Can I take these off?” he asked, fingers slipping into the waistband of your pants. 

“Only if you take your clothes off, too.”

You heard him chuckle before you felt cold air starting to hit your bare skin. Soonyoung unzipped your pants and tugged them down your legs until they were bunched up at your ankles, which you struggled to kick off until he bent down to move the fabric off your heel. You shuddered when he snapped the band of your underwear, hooking his fingers at the sides and twisting the fabric. He sure was enjoying toying with you, and you weren’t sure you could handle any more teasing. After what felt like forever, Soonyoung pulled the last of your undergarments down and marveled at your bare body.

“You’re unbelievable,” he all but growled, running his hands down your sides, to your hips, and past your thighs. “I can’t believe I get to have you like this.”

You sat up, looking up at him with a pout, which only seemed to drive Soonyoung to the brink of madness. 

“You’re still clothed,” you observed.

“Yes.”

“Take it off.” You folded your arms across your chest. “I can’t be the only one naked.”

“Whatever you say, princess,” he replied with a laugh. You supposed he could see your expression falter, nearly letting some pathetic sound fall from your lips, so Soonyoung cooed at you and ran his thumb over your lower lip. “Oh, you like that? Like it when I call you princess?”

You did like it. You liked it too much for your own good, and it was almost humiliating.

Soonyoung towered over you as he peeled off his shirt, grabbing it from the nape of his neck and slipping it off in seconds. Your eyes ran over his beautiful expanse of skin, from every defined muscle in his abdomen to the little goosebumps that pricked his arms. You reached out to run your fingers down his abs, letting them trace each groove and dip in muscle. Soonyoung shivered at your very touch, but he allowed you to make your way down to undo his belt and pants. 

Your fingers were fumbling, but you managed to remove the latch after several failed attempts. He guided you with his steadier hands, but you were determined to do it yourself. Finally, you pulled his belt free and pushed his pants down his legs. 

He seemed to be slightly embarrassed, but Soonyoung was already rock hard. His cock sprang up so that the tip pushed past the waistband of his boxers. 

“Don’t worry about that,” he grumbled, sinking to his knees and placing his hands on your thighs. “I’ll take care of you first.”

He grabbed your knees and pushed them apart, staring at your soaked cunt like it was everything he ever wanted. Soft kisses peppered the inside of your thighs, working up to the apex of your legs. You felt the cold air hit your core and shivered, but then it was hot all over again once Soonyoung licked one long, slow stripe that made you writhe and cry out in bliss. He had to press your hips down to keep you from moving too much. 

But his movements were so slow and torturous. You were going insane by how much Soonyoung was teasing you with his kitten licks and lazy drags of tongue. Tears welled up in your eyes by the time you had been edged away from another impending orgasm, with him letting his dissolve as soon as the heat bloomed under your skin. 

Kissing your cunt. Plunging his tongue into your core. Licking at your walls until they trembled and shook with the warning of release. You were agonized by how good Soonyoung was making you feel.

“Please,” you begged, your voice breathless as your body felt lightweight, “let me cum, please.”

“Hm.” He seemed to consider it for a moment before saying, “Tell me three things you like about me, and I’ll let you cum.”

You laughed, but it died on your tongue as soon as you realized there was no amusement on his face.

“You’re kidding, right?” You swallowed hard, knowing you had your answer already. “Oh, you’re not kidding.”

He was making you work for your orgasm. This was mortifying; you never expected Soonyoung to be so cruel, and you never expected it to be so hot.

“Three things, baby,” he said. “Start with number one.”

“One,” you started, your voice shaky as Soonyoung returned to snaking his tongue past your folds, “I like how you treat me so well and look after me, like—oh, right there—yeah, like that.”

“Two,” you continued, more so in a whimper because Soonyoung was skillfully using his tongue to reach places you never thought to stimulate before. “I, ah—I like the way you look at me and when you tell me I’m beautiful.” You sucked in your teeth when you felt him press his tongue flat against your clit. “Soonyoung, please.”

“One more,” he murmured.

“T-three,” you breathed out, and by this point, your legs were already shaking. Your brain was turning to mush and you couldn’t help but clench at Soonyoung lapping at your soaked cunt. The tremor in your voice was unmistakable when you admitted, “I love how you’re so much better at this than I ever could’ve imagined.”

He breathed out a laugh against your cunt. “Am I really?” He tightened his grip on your hips to suck on your clit, making your back arch and your chest feel light. “You think about me that often, princess?”

“Mmhm,” you confirmed with your eyes screwed shut. “Thought about you whenever I was—”

“Don’t finish that,” he warned, though it almost sounded like he was pleading with you, “or I’ll go crazy.”

Your nerves felt like they had tangled themselves into several knots that kept tightening in your stomach. You shuddered and moaned with each motion of Soonyoung’s tongue that brought you closer to your release. He was merciless with the way he dipped his tongue in your core, rubbing your clit with his thumb in slow circles.

Your walls tightened one last time before you were finally blinded by your white-hot orgasm, and you hardly even realized that hot tears were streaming down your cheeks. Soonyoung was eating you out unabated, not even giving you a break between each wave of pleasure that hit you. After your climax subsided and coherency gradually bled back into you, Soonyoung finally pulled back and pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

You grabbed his arm before he could say anything. Soonyoung looked you in the eyes for a moment, alarmed, but the worry knitting his brows together melted away once you pulled him down for a proper kiss.

With your arms wrapped around his neck and his knee between your legs, Soonyoung eventually found himself lowering his body until your chests were pressed together. He kept himself up by his elbows and pulled away to look at you. He brushed your hair out of your face and leaned in for another kiss.

As you two became a tangled mess of limbs, wrapped up in each other and far too occupied to care about anything but making out, you moved your hand down Soonyoung’s abs to wrap your hand around his cock. He groaned against your lips and rocked his hips against your touch. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” he murmured, his voice low and thick with lust. After reaching back to tug his boxers down, freeing his cock from the restricting fabric, Soonyoung looked down at you with desire glazing over his eyes. “May I?”

“Please do,” you answered.

You cried out when he started rubbing the head of his cock against your cunt, teasing your folds like he did before. You were aching already despite your previous orgasm, and you thought you were going to die on the spot from how needy you were.

“Turn onto your stomach,” he ordered. You were confused for a moment, but you ended up being manhandled by Soonyoung, anyway. He flipped you over and positioned himself at your entrance, keeping one hand on the back of your neck. “Good girl.”

The side of your face was pressed into the sheets, and your hands were desperately reaching for anything that gave you proper leverage. You ended up grabbing onto the pillows just as Soonyoung started pushing his cock inside you. You swallowed down the gasp that dared threaten to escape, and Soonyoung pressed kisses to your face and made sure you weren’t crying from how big he was.

With more filth and praises whispered into your ear, you were clenching and unclenching around him, making Soonyoung groan whenever he felt you tighten. It took a while for him to ease his way into you, but once Soonyoung had finally nestled inside of you, it was as if a switch flipped in him.

He was thrusting as soon as you gave him the green light. You were blindsided by how intense he was, hardly having any control over your own body as you held onto the sheets for dear life. Soonyoung held your hips with a bruising grip as he fucked into you.

Hot.

Everything felt hot and sticky. Your sweat-matted hair clung to the back of your neck, and you felt like your sheets were uncomfortably damp. Despite it all, though, you couldn’t get enough. You needed more, wanted more. Soonyoung was relentless, even when your box springs creaked and the frame rattled against the wall. 

You felt his cock twitch inside of you. “Fuck. You’re taking me so well.”

Still overly-sensitive from your previous orgasm, it didn’t take long for you to reach your limit a second time. Soonyoung pounded into you with fervor, and even he was quickly falling apart. 

“That’s it,” he got out, teeth gritted. “That’s my girl.”

You pulled him down for a deep kiss, muffling both of your moans once you were clenching uncontrollably around him. You were falling from your peak and Soonyoung fucked you through your orgasm, even though he was on the verge of one himself. 

He pulled out right before he was about to cum, and you could only hear his groans before you realized he had gotten off, too. For a moment, you thought Soonyoung abandoned you on the bed. His voice sounded distant all of a sudden, and you were too tuckered out to move. 

Then, he returned with a towel and several tissues for you. You turned onto your back again to make out his silhouette entering the room and taking a seat next to you. Your eyes were shut as Soonyoung cleaned you up, and you only opened them once he pushed your hair back and kissed your cheek. 

“Wanna go again?” he asked with a grin. You were impressed by how quickly he was able to recover. You, on the other hand, needed a few minutes to recuperate. “The night’s still young.”

“Yeah, sure, if you use a condom this time,” you breathed out, turning over onto your side. “Just give me five.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, letting your chest rise and fall until its rhythm steadied. Your breathing was even again, but when you opened your eyes, you saw neon green glowing in the middle of the room. 

“Soonyoung.” You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. You were not getting dicked down by manga censorship. “Why is your dick glowing?” 

“I prefer glow-in-the-dark condoms.” 

Typically, when two individuals had feelings for each other, it would often bloom into a relationship.

It was quite clear that you had feelings for Soonyoung and he had feelings for you, so, naturally, one would expect the two of you to start dating. However, it felt like you both were testing the waters around each other instead—dipping your toes into the dating pool. You two were exclusive, but not exactly together. 

You were perfectly content with taking things slow, but that didn’t necessarily mean Soonyoung didn’t end up over you almost every other night. The sex was great, of course. Mind-blowing, even. 

Seungcheol, Mingyu, and Seungkwan seemed to catch on quickly. There was no mistaking what was going on after you went over to their apartment to play Catan, and then you and Soonyoung disappeared into his room afterward. The next morning, when you walked downstairs in Soonyoung’s shirt to eat breakfast with everyone, you could pick up on their unspoken realization that you were hooking up with their roommate. 

Seungkwan even made an offhand comment about you and Soonyoung being a thing—whatever that was supposed to mean. 

You debriefed Junhui on the entire situation, of course. He seemed less surprised about you sleeping with Soonyoung, though, and more interested in the outcome of your driving test (which, you had to admit, you were terribly worried about). 

The night before your dreaded behind-the-wheel exam, you received a call from Soonyoung.

You weren’t sure what to expect when you picked up the call. You knew that he’d been planning on getting high with his housemates today, so you weren’t exactly sure if this phone call was going to be private or not. You were half-expecting Seungcheol to answer for him instead. 

“Hey,” Soonyoung greeted, voice slightly muffled. With the way the audio sounded, you suspected that he wasn’t holding onto his phone at the moment.

“Are you busy?” you asked. 

“No, just trying to get the pod you gave me out of its packaging.” You heard a few strained grunts from him before he exclaimed, “I got it!”

“I’m proud of you.”

“That’s what I’ll be telling you after you ace that driving test,” he said. He paused for a moment (which you guessed was him taking a hit). “You ready for it, by the way?”

“Not really.” You sucked in a sharp breath. “The good news is that taking years to pass the permit test has helped me memorize all the rules of the road; the bad news is that I have severe anxiety and probably won’t be able to utilize anything I’ve learned.”

“You’ll be fine, Y/N. You drove just fine with me, didn’t you?”

“But that’s you! How am I gonna drive properly with some scary old guy who probably hasn't ever smiled in his life?”

“Just relax. Remember to slow down on your turns and check your blind spots when you’re changing lanes.”

Your voice grew shy when you admitted, “This is gonna sound weird, but I kind of miss our driving lessons.”

“Even when you lost your tooth?”

You grimaced. “Even then.” 

Soonyoung laughed along with you for a moment before he simmered. The silence on the other side of the line didn’t feel uncomfortable, but you felt like each nerve end of yours was on fire. 

“I didn’t want it to end either, Y/N,” Soonyoung said after a while, his voice dropping an octave. 

“Really?”

“I don’t wanna be in a world where we aren’t in a car together, whether I’m telling you to stop driving under the speed limit or we’re crashing into that Honda Civic that knocked your front tooth out,” he started, and you scratched the back of your head. Yeah, he was definitely high. “And, maybe… maybe the missing front tooth was really the catalyst for all the memories we made along the way. Maybe, in another universe, that tooth never fell out—or existed. Maybe the concept of that occurrence manifested into this universe as a—”

“Okay, it was cute at first,” you interrupted, “but you’re definitely in that other universe right now.”

You had never been this much of a nervous wreck.

Actually, scratch that. You were probably this much of a nervous wreck at least thrice a week. You functioned on being anxious several times a day, so this was honestly not a new feeling. The only problem was that you had never driven with anyone other than Soonyoung, so you were slightly on edge as you turned into the DMV.

“Please return my car in one piece,” Soonyoung said, holding onto the ‘oh shit’ handle as you went over a speed bump, which you found highly unnecessary. He pointed to the starting point for the driving test. “I’ll wait for you outside the building over there.”

“Sounds good.”

“And remember: if you’re gonna fail the test, make sure you fail it big time. Don’t fail it by going ten over the speed limit, or something boring like that.”

“That’s terrible advice, Soonyoung.”

“I’m playing. You’re gonna be just fine.”

“Thanks, I’m just so—oh my god!” 

You stepped on the breaks immediately, gripping the wheel tight as the car lurched forward. The man who was crossing in front of you doubled over onto the hood of the car before standing upright again. You rolled your window down to yell an apology, but the man paid you no attention and kept walking with a scowl on his face. 

“I almost killed him!” you cried, slapping a hand over your mouth. 

“Well…” Soonyoung didn’t seem to know how to reassure you as he was still immobilized with fear himself. He managed a shaky grin. “On the bright side, he’s alive and you’re not facing a lawsuit.”

You swallowed hard. There was no way this exam was going to go well. 

After handing in the necessary paperwork inside the DMV, they approved you to go outside for your driving test. Since Soonyoung was letting you use his car while he waited outside, he sat with you until your examiner came by. He did everything he could to calm you down, but, ultimately, it was up to you to pass. 

While Soonyoung was giving his seat up for your examiner, you closed your eyes and tried to take deep breaths to mentally prepare. 

“Ma’am, can you turn on your left turn signal?” the examiner asked from your window. 

When you turned to look at him, you felt something inside you shrivel up and die. 

The man you almost ran over was your examiner. 

In your daze, you managed to follow his instructions as he asked you to point out various things, such as the windshield wipers, defroster, and foot brake. All the while you were already preparing yourself for failure because there was absolutely no way this man was going to let you pass after almost becoming your victim. 

Once the pre-drive safety check was over, he circled around the car to sit in the passenger’s seat, looking down at his clipboard for a moment. You held your tongue, hands clasped together in your lap. Were you supposed to apologize? Would he even care about your apology? It wouldn’t hurt to say sorry, right?

You started in a meek voice, “Oh, about what happened earlier, I’m so—”

“I’m Jeonghan, and I’m gonna be scoring your behind-the-wheel test today,” he cut you off with an air of indifference, looking back down at his clipboard. “Whenever you start the car is when the test begins.”

“Right—yes, okay.” You swallowed thickly and gripped the wheel, looking behind you to make sure no one was coming. Since there were a few cars driving by, you decided to wait for a moment. “A-are you having a good day?”

“I was.”

You wanted to crawl in a hole and drop dead. 

After the road was clear, you turned out of the DMV and started driving down the road, checking your speed and mirrors every so often. You had always been comfortably driving with Soonyoung, who would just help you reroute if you missed a turn. Now, though, if you missed anything Jeonghan said, you were going to fail (and probably die). 

“Take the right coming up here,” he instructed.

You remembered your turn signal and to look back over your shoulder. Soonyoung had taught you well, but you were afraid that his gentle instructions would only take you so far. Jeonghan was the most intimidating person you had come across (mostly because you almost killed him), and you should not have been trusted to drive someone you were terribly scared of. 

After you made the turn, you sighed in relief at the long stretch of road ahead. You attempted to cover it up by clearing your throat and making small talk with Jeonghan. 

“It’s pretty cold today, isn’t it?” you asked. Stupid question. You had no idea how cold it was. Soonyoung’s car felt like a sauna because you cranked up the heater, or maybe the heat was from how nervous you were. 

Jeonghan promptly ignored you. “Change lanes and take the next left.” 

Albeit your state of disarray, you followed what he said. You decided to give up on small talk altogether, coming to the conclusion that Jeonghan just hated you and didn’t want to converse with the person who almost murdered him in cold blood. 

You were pretty confident that the rest of your driving test went horribly. You almost went ten under the speed limit to make sure you didn’t run over anyone else in the school zone, you shrieked when the railroad lights turned on and you had to wait for the train to pass by, and you looked both ways about five times when you were at a stop sign. 

Jeonghan told you to park the car once you reached the DMV, so you pulled into an empty parking space. You were praying that he wasn’t still grading you because you were most definitely occupying two parking spaces right now. 

“Okay, so,” he started, looking at his clipboard before turning to you with a deadpan stare, “you drive too slow.”

Oh. That was intentional because you didn’t want to deal with another hit and run, but you stayed quiet and nodded. 

“And,” he continued, “you overthink too much when you’re behind the wheel. Don’t hesitate before you stop or make turns, or you’re just gonna run into trouble that way. You can’t be paranoid about driving, otherwise it’s gonna be hard for you to be on the road.”

You pressed your lips together in a tight line. This was it. He was going to fail you. There was no way you were going to pass when you were being criticized for your entire performance. You didn’t blame Jeonghan, though; you probably wouldn’t pass the person who almost ran you over, either. 

“Well, you were cutting it really close,” he said, circling some parts of your examination sheet, “but you passed.”

Your eyes grew wide.

You passed.

You passed.

You turned to Jeonghan and cried out, “I passed?!”

“You know your car, you know the rules of the road, and you did all your maneuvers just fine,” he continued. “You slowed down in the school zone to make sure you didn’t hit any kids, and you were careful about your turns and stops. Just remember not to be too careful, though, or you might run into someone.”

For the first time, you heard a small snicker of amusement come from him. 

“I��I’m so sorry about that,” you blurted out. “I thought you were gonna fail me for hitting you with the car.”

“Like I said, the test begins when you start the car.” He handed you your papers and got out of your car. Before closing the door, he turned to you with his clipboard tucked under his arm. “You should go tell the DMV you passed and get your temporary license before I mark you down for this parking job.”

You gulped, unbuckling your seatbelt in a rush. “Will do.”

Jeonghan stalked off to grade another new driver, you supposed. When you got out of the car, your eyes immediately scanned the perimeter to search for Soonyoung, and there he was, waving you over from the sidewalk with a bright grin on his face. 

Before you could even make your way over and break the news to him, he yelled out with his hands cupped around his mouth, “That’s my girl!”

You blushed, stopping in your tracks and staring at him for so long that it took a car honking at you to propel you back into motion. You scrambled over to Soonyoung, eyes wide as saucers and still frazzled from the emotional turmoil you went through with Jeonghan.

He wrapped an arm around you. “You know, no matter the result, I’m proud of you for trying. There’s always next time, you know?”

“Soonyoung—”

“Did everything else go well, though? Other than you almost killing him, obviously.”

“Soonyoung, I—”

“It was probably just bad luck, honestly. I mean, it was a recoverable bump, not even a full-on crash! You were going so slow that anyone could walk that off.”

“Soonyoung!” you yelled, thrusting your score sheet into his hands. “I passed!”

His eyes widened. “You passed?!”

“I passed!” you squealed. “I have to tell Junhui! I mean, he totally thought I was gonna fail my first two or six tries!”

Soonyoung crushed you into a hug, which would’ve been more endearing if your ribs weren’t being squeezed so hard. “Holy shit, Y/N, I’m so proud of you.”

You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck and drawing him closer. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Be my girlfriend,” he spoke against your neck, his hot breath tickling your skin, and you immediately froze.

Kwon Soonyoung wanted to be your boyfriend. Even with everything that had happened—from the STIIZY pods, to the car crash, to the glow-in-the-dark condom—you still felt relief flooding your veins at the thought of Soonyoung liking you as much as you liked him. It almost felt like you were in a dream.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally remembered how to breathe.

You pulled back to look at him, and even though it was the middle of the day, it felt like all the stars were out to make Soonyoung shine brighter than usual.

“Be my girlfriend,” he repeated, softer this time, and his eyes were gentle as his hands reached for yours. Your lips immediately tugged down and your eyes were welling up with tears. “No, no, no, Y/N, don’t start crying at the DMV.”

You wiped at the corner of your eye. “I can’t help it. I always cry at the DMV.” He smiled down at you fondly, waiting for you to gather your composure. You mustered up the strength to lift your head and nod eagerly. “I accept.”

He was your boyfriend now. The word felt strange on your tongue, but it also filled you with inexplicable happiness. And when you saw how Soonyoung’s eyes crinkled at the corners, you thought you could definitely get used to this. 

“You’re so cute.” He laughed, pulling you into his embrace once again. “How about we go get something to eat after you tell them your score?”

You grinned. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

While Soonyoung was waiting in the car for you (and probably readjusting your terrible parking job before he got yelled at), you walked into the DMV and stood in the same line you were in months ago for your permit test. You remembered the anxious feeling of possibly failing your written test a seventh time, but now you felt a huge weight being lifted off your shoulders. 

“I did it,” you gushed to the woman at the counter, handing her your score sheet. “I passed.” 

“Congratulations!” she chirped, examining the papers before turning to type something on her computer. She turned to grab your temporary license from the printer and handed it to you. “Here you go. Your real one should come in the mail in a few weeks.”

“Thank you so much,” you replied, inspecting your new license with bright eyes. 

You failed your permit test six times, only passing on your seventh attempt. While other children were getting their licenses at the age of sixteen, you were still trying to pass the written test in your twenties. And, yes, you had severe driving anxiety, but you crossed that hurdle yourself and finally passed your driving test on your first try. 

So, that glass ceiling? Consider it smashed.

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ thank you so so much for reading if you've made it this far !! :') i've been wanting to write for hoshi for so long and this was just so fun <3 also BIG shoutout to everyone who asked to be on the tag list because although i couldn't respond to everyone (mostly because i figured i would end up tagging everyone twice 🧎‍♀️ ), i mega appreciate your interest ♡ hope everyone's having a wonderful day/night !!

TAG LIST ▸ @wonudazed @delicatewinterenthusiast @aaniag @primoppang @matchahyuck @xiaoting999 @alsktudy @fixonbreakoff @simqly-yunjin @kwonshiho @cottoncheol @nishloves @sarcasticsweetlara @ult-bee @vanishingboots @l2vedive @phenomenalgirl9 @notevenheretbh1 @hopetiger10 @junyangis @fyladymars @lilsafsafbooyah @kwanhaos @alltheshineofthestars-blog

[verkele]

Phew. Got the car's coolant system put back together and the tests were nice and successful. It even fixed the bouncy idle issue that had been a persistent bother for most of the time i've had the car (was rare at first and pretty much guaranteed for the latter half) Turns out that issue was simply caused by the slow drop of coolant level in the system that apparently nobody on the internet had ever figured out according to my numerous searches. I kinda knew the part where the bouncy issue was originating from, and had even done full cleanup and rebuild on the thing. A cold start idle assist valve thingy that works by having a thermally expanding glob inside it hooked to the coolant system that should disengage once the coolant has warmed enough to make that blob swell. The reason the coolant level had been showing up as "just fine" on the outside while fucking things up for that part in particular was because the part of the thing connected to the coolant loop with couple skinny little tubes was basically the tallest pont of the entire coolant system and would naturally end up sneakily drying out first while the rest of the engine still has plenty of juice to go around. Got the biggest suspicion only after i had drained the system and noticed the amount of liquid coming out was way less than i was expecting. Like less than half of its supposed capacity. God it feels sweet to have finally resolved that annoying idle bounce issue that had definitely made me look silly impatient and rude at crosswalks and traffic lights for years making it sound like i was repeatedly stomping the gas pedal every other second nonstop :v

[sarahjanesdiary]

April 12th 2024

I have such a strange relationship with “work.” Not the physical demands or how complicated the job may be just.. work as a whole. I struggle to remember things like.. Friday my tire was flat before I left work to go home. That day I pumped it then went home and just forgot the event happened. I had 4 days off. This morning I started to leave and what do you know… my tire was flat again. I forgot to take care of the issue and now I have to go to work again. (Shame 1 - Sarah 0)

I call my sister because she lives close but she’s actually at our moms’ this morning, too far. My friend lives close by, I ask her to help me with my tire and I message my boss. Twenty minutes to type a text asking if I can come in an hour late. “Okay” (Shame 2 - Sarah 0)

I start down the road after my friend drives away. I make it 5 minutes down the road. The car starts overheating. 

I pull over. I turn on my blinkers. I close my eyes.

I can’t do this today.

I message my boss and apologize. I call off. (Shame 3 - Sarah 0)

I drop my things off in my living room. I sit down. I pick up Stardew Valley. 50 pounds in my shoes. 

So now what? Do I spend the rest of my day doing productive things to make myself feel better for calling off? Do I listen to self-help podcasts to try to fight this overwhelm that is coming up? Do I go to sleep, or take a nap? 

I feel like so easily these feelings can take me on this troubling emotional ride that leaves me feeling broken and panicked. 

Bad morning - Bad day - Bad life 

But that’s silly. That doesn’t make sense. How can I go from having a bad morning to “Where’s the closest bridge?” 

Why is it me against me?

I’m in the ring with a blob of a monster. They’re tall, frightening, casting shadows on me they’re so large. I’m so scared. I’m watching it come closer and I can feel my body trembling. My stomach is upset, my hands sweaty, crying/snotty. I’m petrified. Anyone would be if they saw this. If they were in the same ring with this monster every day. 

The monster isn’t a monster at all. The monster ends up being like one of those costumed characters from Scooby Doo. Take the mask off and there’s a real monster I think except… It’s me. Little me. Child me. 

I’m just a kid stuck in protective armor. Trying to seem big and scary to protect me. I guess us. 

Edit: I wrote this on a day when I felt fed up, tired, and all-around shitty. Unreliable. Chronically late. Subpar job. 

I did it again. catastrophizing.  

I spent some time in the little outdoor area. Read the names of the “in memory of” stones. (I work as a housekeeper at a hospice. I’m fun at parties.) Drank my Pepsi for lunch. Not ideal but I just wasn’t hungry. I don’t know why. 

I wrote on my phone about an interaction I had with my sister and a patient. I felt inspired by her I think. Both of them. 

I came home and spent such a good evening with Brian. God that man. He makes me feel safe. Being in his arms, I truly understand what it means to have your worries melt away. 

There have been times like over dad, where I cried for so long I didn’t know if it was gonna fuckin stop. But then there are times like today when I immediately fell into him. melted.  

[spesphire]

( tragedy)

It was nothing more than a dream.

But something felt so vividly real, it was hard to forget. Him holding me oh so tightly and saying, “you sure you want this? There is no turning back. Promise me you want this and you want me. Promise me you won’t let go and love me through my worse.” I didn’t let him go. I kept holding him tightly without any regrets. And then we kissed. I woke up to my bittersweet dream. In a dream where we were having conversations about stuff. Me knowing I fell for him first, but he fell harder. Oh wow, such a quirky drama that dream was. I woke up with a nauseating feeling. My roommate was awake the whole night studying. I feel fell asleep because I felt tired and, well, suicidal. SHE DIDN’T SLEEP THE WHOLE NIGHT AND I DIDN’T STUDY THAT WELL! My food had gone bad. Which I was technically saving up till December. I got seemingly bad grades in math test. Nothing is going in my way, so how the freak am I supposed to calm down and study. It’s a war in my head. It’s all too much for me. I failed my bio test and I told my parents for the third time I want to kill myself. I’m a God Awful daughter. Oh, yeah, I have the busiest lab of the semester today and a chem midterm tomorrow. Don’t know how that’ll go. 

Oh yeah, the labs. Where they expect me to know everything and where this bitch owing my name ends up putting me in disadvantages.

Oh life, my life.

Everything would be so much better if I killed myself. No money for my parents to spend, no uncertain future, no crying till you feel numb enough to fall asleep, no midterms, no being a disappointment and oh my what life.

I feel sick. Like my heart's about to burst out if I don’t do something with it. No one to heal me. Well, even if they do heal me, it just doesn’t do anything. Sometimes it’s best to lie about my miserable state. Lie that I’m fine and I can do this. A lie that I tell myself and my family pretty often. It hurts. Everything hurts. Like how having a crush hurts. Hurts to know that no one, including that silly crush, will ever love me like that.

Hurts to be all alone, even though my favorite people say you aren’t alone.

Well, I was born alone and most probably die alone. I want to ask for help, but I can’t. Even when I get the help, it ends up being a blob of nothing.

Sorry for this rant. Thought I was going to write a fictional book based on my dream but look what it leads to.

My roommate is like 5 years younger than me and achieving more than me. 

I mean, I wouldn’t feel bad about it, but it’s my mother who makes sure I don’t feel great about it. Something about success means so much to her. To the point, I see ‘successes’ as a successful elder sister my mom loves the most. And I’m abandoned and constantly compared with her.

My mother is a whole different character to study. Sometimes I see her as the good witch. Even if she’s good, she is still a witch. Manipulation, base-minded, offensive, abused, unhappy for the good days ‘cause there’s no point of it and lastly psychotic in nature (sometimes).

Maybe that’s just every mother.

Or maybe, just perhaps, it’s only my mother.

The pages of feels is about to end. I must go back to my studying. My excuses are too much, but they are still invalid somehow.

Saying that everyone feels the same. It’s really normal.

I remember how bluntly the student advisor told me to drop my course that day. How bluntly she said, “it’s all over for you, try again next time.” Well, she didn’t say these exact words, but that was the summary of it. Huh, guess that’s what happens when you pressure the girl to become what she doesn’t want to become. A microbiologist. In my dreams, possibly.

The thing is, I don’t hate studying. I freaking love studying and doing homework. But the exams and evaluation is where I fuck up. Very badly, actually. I’m a girl who doesn’t want to taste defeat but gets defeated every time.

It’s just the beginning, and I’m really not sure how can I go on.

Along with my thoughts to end it all is scary enough. 

Hey.

I just want to live with a peaceful mind. I just want to function and do my studies like a normal freaking person. Making my parents proud seems good enough.

[karlyboyyy]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

Okay first of all - thank you so much for sending me this ask! I haven't received an ask since like 2018, and I really like answering questions! (are any of y'all old enough to remember Formspring? I loved that shit lmao)

Second of all - this took me forever to think of! I suddenly forgot all pieces of media that I've ever consumed. Plus I wanted to make sure I had a mix of stuff lol

Anyway, here's what I've come up with, in no particular order :)

David Rose | Schitt’s Creek

David Rose is honestly so important to me. When I first started watching Schitt’s Creek, I was just like “oh haha sassy queer man, so funny!” But then as the show progressed, I found myself identifying so much with the character. And then I decided to rewatch the show… four more times over the next few months. Like I just kept going back to it. And eventually I thought “ya know… why do I identify so much with a queer man? I’ve never thought of myself as queer and I’m not a man… so why?” Which led me down the rabbit hole of watching other queer-centric shows and doing a bunch of internet searching of sexuality and gender identity. And I honestly learned so much. Like it’s crazy how much I just assumed about a lot of stuff without ever thinking too deeply about it. And wouldn’t you fuckin know it, I realized I was bisexual. And then the more and more I thought about how I see myself and how I wanted others to see me, I decided that yep, I’m not a man… but I’m also not really too attached to being a woman either. So here we are today, just a big ol’ bisexual nonbinary androgynous blob. All thanks to David Rose!

2. Karasuno VBC | Haikyuu!!

Is this answer cheating? I feel like it’s cheating. But I’ve tried - I’ve reeeally tried - to pick a favorite character from Haikyuu, and I just cannot. So I’ve chosen the entire ‘12-‘13 Karasuno High School Volleyball Club (coaches and managers included!). I just love them each so much for different reasons. Like, Hinata is such a sweetheart and I’m so proud of him by the end of the series! Kageyama is my baby, my sweet grumpy dumb-dumb baby. Sugawara is probably the one I relate to the most, coming off as shy and calm but in reality he’s a little insane. And Asahi! My sweet sensitive Asahi, I love him so much. I could ramble on for days, but I won’t. Just know that I would fight to the death for these fictional characters. 

3. Power | Chainsaw Man

Since I’ve decided that I’d only do one cheat answer, I can’t list the whole Hayakawa family as one character. That said, I’d have to say Power is my favorite of the trio. She’s loud and obnoxious and egotistical and powerful and silly and gross and honestly everything I wish I could be. 

4. Xie Lian | Heaven Official’s Blessing

Xie Lian is so awkward, but he’s low-key hilarious. There’s a moment in chapter 6 of the first novel, where he was worried because he didn’t have any shrines or worshippers dedicated to him in the mortal realm. But then, there’s this excerpt: “And one day, on a whim, he suddenly thought: If no one worships me, I’ll worship myself! None of the heavenly officials knew how to respond to that. Who had ever fucking heard of a god worshipping himself?! To reach such tragic heights, what was the point?! However, Xie Lian was used to receiving nothing but awkward silence the moment he spoke and thought amusing himself could be fun.” Like… that whole ‘fuck it, I’m just gonna do whatever the hell I want’ attitude gives me life. On top of all that, he’s a cheapskate scrap collector, a terrible cook, and has the worst luck. But he’s a total sweetheart, he tries his best at everything he does, he’s always trying to help people, and HELLO he’s got Hua Cheng wrapped around his finger. 

5. Uramichi Omota | Life Lessons With Uramichi-oniisan

My favorite depressy boi. Life Lessons is so freakin funny and way too goddamn relatable. I think I have four different magnets at my desk at work with images / quotes of Uramichi from the show and manga. There's not much else I can say other than he speaks to my soul.

6. Kageyama “Mob” Shigeo | Mob Psycho 100

The goodest boy!! A friend actually recommended Mob Psycho to me, and at first I was a little skeptical. But by the third episode I was hooked. And by season 3, I found myself literally sobbing. Just seeing Mob’s growth throughout the show, and how his kindness impacted so many people around him… it just fills my heart. But also the moment where he almost loses himself to the ???%… just wow. The whole message of that show is so so good and I will literally recommend it to anyone and everyone. 

7. Sasaki Shuumei | Sasaki and Miyano

The sweetest cinnamon roll!! The way he truly loves Miyano is so refreshing. Sure, he has the whole “but he’s a guy…” thought at first. But he gets over that fairly quickly. He just knows that Miyano is cute and he genuinely wants to get to know him. He actively engages with Miyano to try and learn about his interests and hobbies. He reads all the BL Miyano lends him. He gives his honest feedback about each story! He stands up for Miyano’s interests. He confesses to Miyano pretty early on, but recognizes that Miyano may not reciprocate those feelings right away. He continually reassures Miyano that his feelings are strong, but he’s not pushy about it. It’s more like he wants to make sure Miyano doesn’t see his feelings as a passing whim. And when they finally get together, he’s not shy about their relationship. He talks about it to his friends and family. When the two of them start to get more physical, Miyano voices his concern about who’s going to be the “bottom”. And Sasaki’s immediate thought was that he didn’t really care which way they went, he just knew that he wanted it to be with Miyano. And my GOD I loved seeing that. I feel like discussing your sexual preferences with your partner and figuring out what you’re comfortable with doing is SO important, but that aspect of starting a new relationship isn’t portrayed nearly enough in BL stories. It’s usually just one guy being a little nervous about being bottom and the other guy automatically assuming they’re the top, with zero communication. Anyway, I digress. Back to Sasaki. My cinnamon roll. I just love him. 

8. April Ludgate | Parks and Recreation 

Parks and Rec will always be one of my comfort shows. And I first watched it when I was about the same age as April - young enough to not really know what I wanted to do in life and also not really caring about that stuff just yet. I loved her dry sense of humor and her sarcasm. And watching her grow into someone with more confidence in her career and relationships was amazing. Also fun fact, when I interviewed for my first role at my current workplace - which happens to be an Indiana government entity - I was asked why I was interested in government work. And I straight up said that Parks & Rec made it seem interesting lmao. They must have liked that answer, because I’m still there almost 4 years later and have promoted up since then! 

9. Dorothy Zbornak | Golden Girls

I first watched Golden Girls when I was in college, when my roommate was like “I promise you’ll like it, it’s so funny” and I was like bitch… it’s an old show about old ladies. But she was RIGHT. It’s hilarious. And honestly so wholesome. And ICONIC (I mean come on. This show talked about women's sex lives, old women's sex lives at that. And LGBT+ issues. And workplace harassment. And invisible illnesses / disabilities and the struggles of getting your doctor to actually listen to you. All of this in the '80s, no less!) And I feel like most people liked Rose because, duh it’s Betty White. But Dorothy was my jam. She was sarcastic and always annoyed by something (same). But she genuinely cared about her friends. And look. I ain’t gonna lie. That deep, almost raspy voice of hers? Hot. 

10. Jake Peralta | Brooklyn 99

He’s honestly so annoying, but I love him. He gives off this “I’m gonna do the bare minimum and be silly the whole time and STILL get the fuckin’ job done” vibe, and ya know what? He does just that. He’s actually a great detective and problem solver. He just also knows how to have fun. And his relationship with Amy is one of the few straight(-passing) relationships that I honestly love so much. They’re so cute and pure and goofy and relatable. And don’t even get me started on his friendship with Rosa. I mean, he went with her when she wanted to come out as bi to her parents!! Aahhhh!! Lastly, his flannel / hoodie / leather jacket combo? Pure bisexual fashion and I am here for it.

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

I Have Found You

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Aaron Hotchner Taglist - @braelyniskool, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29

Prompt - I have for the first time found what I can truly love. I have found you.

—————————————————–

You and Aaron had had a long week at work, each on separate cases but both equally as drained as the other. Your job saw you travelling to and from New York each day, working for one of the states best law firms, it was hard working your way up but you did it and now you were dealing with high profile cases day in and day out.

This case was particularly gruelling but it was finally finished and you had won. It was a small victory for the family but it was a victory nonetheless.

Aaron was working on his own case, he had been in Las Vegas for the past four days dealing with a serial killer who was targeting families. The unsub was organised, too organised, and more families were killed before they finally caught a break. From there it had been a matter of hours before they caught the man and the team was back on the jet.

Aaron finished up on the phone before dropping down into his seat beside Rossi who raised an eyebrow at him.

“Short of an emergency we all have Friday and Monday off, I don’t want to see any of you for four days.” Aaron announced to the jet, smiling as it was filled with cheers and laughter.

“So, big plans?” Rossi asked, smirking at Aaron who just rolled his eyes.

“I plan on doing absolutely nothing.” Aaron replied with a smile, already thinking of how great it would be to spend a long weekend with you and Jack, it had been far too long. He had already spoken to you and upon hearing the good news of your case asked if you could get two days off and thanked god that you could.

“I hear you, man.” Derek spoke up from opposite Rossi. “Four whole days of nothing but me and my girl.”

“What about you, kid?” Rossi asked, looking at Spencer who sat opposite Aaron.

“There’s a film festival I really wanted to go to actually, it's showing a bunch of different films in their original language.” Spencer told him and the grin on his face was enough to stop any teasing.

“Have a good time, pretty boy.” Derek smiled back, ruffling the younger man's hair causing him to pout.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the scene but as much as he loved this family, he couldn’t wait to get back home to you and Jack.

-

“How hard can cupcakes be, right?” You asked Jack, who stood on a chair in front of the counter. The two of you were staring at the ingredients that were spread out, not knowing where to start. When you suggested Jack make something for Aaron you were thinking more along the lines of a picture but when the kid suggested cupcakes well…you really wanted cupcakes.

“Right.” Jack agreed, grinning up at you.

Turns out it was harder to make cupcakes than either of you thought.

Aaron walked into the house, smiling immediately as he heard Jack giggling madly. He was quick to follow the noise but stopped abruptly as he stared into the kitchen.

“Daddy!” Jack yelled, quickly scrambling off the chair and throwing himself at Aaron who caught him and lifted him with ease despite the cupcake mixture that stuck to his clothes, face and hair.

“Hey buddy,” He grinned, turning his attention to you. There you stood, cupcake mix splatter on your face, in your hair and on your shirt. You looked dejected as you held an electric mixer, clearly the culprit of the cupcake explosion. “It looks like you and Y/N are having fun.” He said with a laugh, watching how you pouted up at him.

“We were gonna make cupcakes for you, daddy, but Y/N put it on too high.” Jack informed Aaron, giggling madly as he did.

“I didn’t know!” You defended, there was a reason you weren’t trusted in the kitchen.

Aaron’s smile grew and he couldn’t wait any longer to move closer to you, the hand that didn’t hold Jack caressed your cheek and he brought you in for a soft kiss. It didn’t last long, how could it with Jack laughing and making kissing noises, but the two of you pulled away with matching, love struck smiles before you and Jack began laughing together at the cupcake batter that was now perched on Aaron’s nose.

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t fight back the smile.

“Alright, alright,” he said, gaining both of your attention, “how about you two get cleaned up and we can all go out for dinner and then get some cupcakes, hm? That sound good?” He asked Jack who nodded with a grin and squirmed for Aaron to put him down. Once he did, Jack shot off to his bedroom and Aaron turned his attention to you.

“You can’t of thought that was a good idea.” He said as he wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning in to steal another kiss.

“The kid said cupcakes, who was I to say no?” You responded when he pulled away, giggling as he trailed kisses to your jaw and then peppered them down your neck.

Your eyes closed as you tilted your head back, giving the man more access and you couldn’t help but whine as he pulled away. The whine quickly turned into a laugh as he leaned closer and licked a blob of batter that had stuck to your neck.

“Go clean up, baby.” He said before kissing your head and untangling himself from you.

You and Jack were quick to clean yourselves up and soon you were all out the door and heading to a restaurant that you often frequented when you had Jack.

-

It felt like forever since you had been out with the Hotchner boys and you enjoyed every minute of it, no annoying work calls pulling one of you away, no looming threat of Aaron being called to a different state. No, just you, Aaron and Jack going out together, eating good food, catching up with each other properly.

It was wonderful.

“Cupcakes now daddy?” Jack asked as the waitress cleared the plates.

“Yeah, cupcakes now daddy?” You echoed with a smirk watching as Aaron playfully glared at you.

“Sure thing buddy,” He said to Jack, causing you to let out a quiet laugh. “Pick which one you want.”

Aaron couldn’t tell you who smiled wider when dessert was brought out, you or Jack. Both of you tucked in with the same hunger and he just smiled at the scene.

When you and Aaron had first met, it was to do with a case he was working on. He never expected it to blossom into this. The friendship was unexpected but not unwelcome and then before either of you had realised it you had developed feelings for one another.

You were quite a bit younger than him and he was hesitant to bring the feelings up, not understanding what you could possibly see in an older, divorced, single father.

That was the other issue, sure you knew about Jack but there was a difference between knowing about him and wanting to be a part of his life and as much as Aaron had liked you he knew he couldn’t bring somebody into his life who couldn’t accept Jack.

So the pining went on for months as Aaron made the decision for you that you didn’t want to be burdened with a child that wasn’t yours. And when you finally pulled Aaron’s head out of his arse and made him talk about the feelings between you, you could have slapped him silly.

Sure kids weren’t exactly your forte but you’d at least have liked the chance to decide that. From there Aaron had introduced you to Jack after the two of you went on a few dates. The two of you decided the best place would be out in public, a little less daunting and that’s how you ended up at the zoo.

Jack had warmed up to you rather quickly and you surprised yourself with how good you were with him. Eventually it was Jack asking if you could have a sleepover at their house rather than Aaron trying to explain that you might be there in the morning sometimes.

Aaron was so glad you had talked him out of his own head way back when, and as he watched you with Jack, he knew, not that there was any doubt, that he’d made the right choice.

-

“Can we watch a movie?” Jack asked as the three of you entered the house.

“Buddy, it’s nearly bedtime.” Aaron reminded him as he took your coat from you before taking his own off.

“Please daddy,” Jack pleaded, turning on the puppy dog eyes, “I’ll brush my teeth and put my pyjamas on.”

He looked at you but you were looking down at Jack with a soft smile and he couldn’t say no if he wanted to.

“Deal, teeth and pyjamas, we’ll meet back here in five.” Aaron said and grinned as Jack took off running.

“C’mere baby,” He mumbled as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping you up in his arms. “I missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” You confessed into his chest before titling your head up. Aaron was quick to turn his head, leaning down and capturing your lips in a soft, slow kiss. When he pulled away he didn’t go far, resting his head on your forehead.

“Can’t wait to have you all to myself these next few days.” He told you quietly, fingers brushing against your waist.

“Me neither, it’s going to be heaven.” You replied, matching both his tone and the smile on his face.

“Daddy,” Jack’s voice pulled you away from each other and you turned to see the kid grinning up at Aaron showing his freshly brushed teeth and proudly wearing his Captain America pyjamas. “You and Y/N/N need your pyjamas too.”

“Of course we do!” You exclaimed, taking Aaron’s hand in yours and pulling him towards the bedroom with instructions for Jack to put a movie on.

“Really can’t wait to have you all to myself.” Aaron said again as he watched you pull your shirt over your head.

“Down boy.” You laughed, throwing the shirt at him.

Watching you undress made Aaron long to touch you but seeing you dressed in his clothes, sweatpants that were way too big for you and a college shirt that drooped off your shoulders was somehow infinitely sweeter.

“I love you.” He told you, pulling you close to place a kiss on your exposed shoulder.

“I love you too.” You smiled before turning around and kissing him. “Get changed.” You ordered.

“Yes ma’am.” Aaron laughed but did as you said.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile as he held his family in his arms. Jack was half in your lap and half in Aarons and you were sat flushed against him, head resting on his shoulder and your hand holding Jack’s leg.

The movie was still playing but Jack was fast asleep against his chest and you were pretty close to following. Despite that though, Aaron couldn’t bring himself to move and send you both to bed. Instead he tightened his grip on both of you, smiling as you cuddled further into him.

This, this was all he needed, you and Jack by his side. His little family, both of whom had been through so much. All he wanted to do was protect both of you and he would, god would he do anything to protect the pair of you.

You were one of the best things that had happened to him, he had known it since the day he had met you and he had known it two weeks ago when the team finished a case in California and he walked into the jewellers to buy the ring and he knew it now, looking down at you holding onto him and Jack.

He knew you were the best thing to happen to him in a really long time and he would forever be thankful that he had found you.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

So, guess who just finished reading won’t you lend me your faith, the shoujo manga fic for Rin. It’s me. I have much to say. I said I was gonna wait till the morning but I’m impatient and want you to know I absolutely loved and adored this fic.

I. Am. In love. With the reader. She’s literally so cute and I don’t know if it’s cause you wrote it in Rin’s pov but I fell in love with her?? She’s so endearing and I love her and I’d give the world for her oh my god. Her personality is so dorky and loud and loving and kind yet she’s so mature and caring for others and so incredibly sincere I would marry her if I had the chance. 

I will say reader made me cry I fucking love her so much. The birthday scene where she set it up and she had on the silly party hat and she just had her hands up presenting what she set up? That’s what made me cry, oh my god it was just so sweet I couldn’t handle it anymore. The entire build up of Rin’s birthday up to that moment just made me feel all soft and warm and mushy, reader is so sweet for making Rin’s birthday special and treating him on it. 

I do not know how to succinctly tell you that you wrote an incredible reader who took my heart and I literally fell in love with her and she made me cry and throughout the whole read I put down my phone multiple times to roll around in my bed and smile over her. She’s literally the love of my life I’d do anything for her and marry her if I had the chance.

OH. The scene where Rin realized he was in love? So still the birthday scene, I just think that was written incredibly well and the buildup of all of Rin’s emotions to that point throughout the whole fic was really well paced out and presented, BUT. When he was like “if she confesses I can’t lie to her?” His whole spiel? I was losing my mind.

I think they are the epitome of “fell first and fell harder”. Cause Rin once he realizes he not only likes her, but loves her and says he’s been grappling with it for only a little bit but it’s ripping him at the seams? And him causing that scene at school cause he’s irritated that he doesn’t see his girlfriend enough at school and can’t take it anymore? Yeah. yeah. 

I’m so sorry, I’m hung up on the reader. I genuinely can not put into words how much I love her. Her sniffling and crying because she’s worried about the fact that she’s not going to see Rin? It’s so human and she’s so worried and I want to comfort her, I adore her beyond words. She is just so full of love and she’s so verbal with it and she communicates and it’s refreshing and Rin needs someone like that for sure but god I LOVE her. 

I understand why in the writing process you kept saying you loved this reader. I get it, she’s so well written I adore her. Genuinely this is one of, if not the only, x reader I’ve read where the reader has such a refreshing, unique personality where it just made me love her so quickly. Like, I’m genuinely infatuated with her, I can’t describe it. 

Okay, gonna try and focus on Rin now, sorry, I just love her so much. BUT RIN. I think you characterized him so well, incredibly so. Like, the build up, all of it, the fact it took nearly a year for Rin to be comfortable enough and secure enough to recognize that he liked her and was in love with her, that feels correct for Rin, you know? I think the detail of him just kinda seeing her as an amorphous blob also makes sense? He really is not the type to care for looks. He’s so demisexual coded to me, but anyways. But I also think you got how awkward and somewhat uncomfortable he gets in social situations too, I feel like you nailed it. Like how he doesn’t like socializing with classmates so reader was the shield, how awkward he was feeling when talking to reader’s older brother, how irritated he was at those classmates at the end. 

But also his complicated emotions towards Sae; how he’s pretty sure his brother loves him now, but how he’s still not over or hasn’t fully come to terms or processed what Sae did to him in the past. I liked how you went over his morning routine where he legitimately thinks about his past with Sae, but I like how you detailed it as part of his meditation. Part of unraveling his heart and examining it. Wondering if it’ll always be this melancholic blue. Then followed by reader birthday breakfast, yippee. But double also, how the first time at the park where he was talking about how he feels towards Sae to her and how she says she wants to hug him and he lets her. That was sooooo. He needed that for real, I’m glad he indulged in that and hugged her back. 

I love small details. I love that they played resident evil and how acutely aware Rin was of her presence before she started playing with his hair (I melted at that by the way, peak affection), how they talked about Ciguatera and how she poked at him for being such a boy and how he really is just a boy, reading a raunchy comic that’s still ultimately about romance, about how Rin was glad he went with her to get stationary because he had to glare at too many creeps, at how annoyed Rin was at the fact she regularly kept contact with his mom. OH, when Rin noticed that she wears a heart necklace under her uniform when they were cleaning the classroom. How all he could say was that she wasn’t in uniform and it’s all he was thinking when he took her to the mall to get stationary. I loved the fact that she would stomp her feet sometimes, like when Rin’s parents found them sleeping together and snapped a picture, how she kicked her feet. You always give the people you’re writing about very human traits or things they do and it just makes the read so easy and real, idk how to word it. 

It’s all of these little scenes, these little details that just make your fic feel so alive and so tangible and just so perfectly here. I don’t know how to describe it, but everything adds up to be a beautifully written and executed shoujo manga type beat fic that I was so excited for and finally had the time to read. 

But thank you for the food, incredible as usually, the buildup was perfect and I thought I was only going to tear up over the reader but her sincerity and genuine love made me actually cry at the birthday scene. I am a sap and a sucker for cute romance first. This is a long ass ask I’m so sorry ahdjsgdj

I feel like I said a lot of nothing, but TLDR: I’m so glad I read this, I love (LOVE) the reader, I loved watching Rin fall in love it was so wholesome, I love shoujo manga and the epilogue is cute (he’s so silly being petty).

sorry . it has been at least 3 days since ive recieved this ask and i simply wanted to give it the proper time and care when answering because it really made me blush and scream and cry so i apologize for the delay. i have a little time now so i hope this response is adequate enough to express my gratitude.

the main gist of this ask that im like. so absolutely delighted by is indeed your love for reader because (and i said this while writing as well) but reader is my absolute favorite character in the entire fic. i know it's supposed to be rin, and i do enjoy writing rin - but i think reader was the best part of writing this for me. i was honestly very nervous that people might find her too quirky and try-hard rather than endearing and uplifiting and lovely but i simply fell for her very hard in the process.

i have a tendency to write readers who are a little more callous along the edges so it as very refreshing and i think that kind of character is like. SO perfect for rin. you are absolutely right about "fell first but he fell harder" trope being them!! that was really the point of it all for me. she is so loving and so human and so kind.

and rin as a character is someone who has an almost monstorous view of himself. his self loathing just runs so deep and so hard that it was almost painfully sad writing some parts. IM REALLY GLAD MY DEMISEXUAL CODING OF HIM WAS PRESENT SDJKSSDKJ. like im genuinely glad it was picked up on bc it was so super intentional. esp w the part where he finds reader attractive but cant understand it.

WAAAAHHH HEARING YOU PICK UP ON ALL THESE LITTLE DETAILS MAKES ME WANT TO SOB AND SCREAM AND CRY. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. idk how to explain it but knowing that my words have reached u enough to rmb them like that just makes me so emotional. idk how to explain it....like its!! you know!! you know of me!!!! you know the things i wrote!! and memorized and enjoyed them even!!!! it makes me so indescribably happy that these little details like. resonated with you.

for rin in particular - i do not think he thinks very highly of very showy, very passionate love like he sees in movies. up until he meets reader he considers a lot of that bullshit because its so fake. but his lover for reader is truly just an amalgam of these little tiny moments where reader looked at him and saw him for exactly who and what he is. whether that be about sae or rins hatred for socializing. ultimately reader is a character who loves him wholly and unconditionally.

but rin doesn't learn that through her words, but her actions. she is kind and gentle and silly and honest and he needs her more than anything. i really have such a deep love for them, writing their story made me so emotional and i am so so so glad other people felt similiarly. im so glad the story resonated but this one esp bc i LOVE these two and would love to write more in their universe sometime.

ANYWAYS, thank u for this ask. thank u for the length. i weeped so much the day i read it and have thought about it every day since. im so exceedingly grateful. i cannot express it enough. THANK U SO KINDLY

[egcdeath]

finders keepers

summary: did captain america just steal your cat?

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, strangers to lovers

author’s note: it’s been way too long since i wrote some pure, self indulgent fluff. this has been quite the refreshing experience for me but i think it’s back to our regularly scheduled program after this ;)

you can find my masterlist and taglist here

Miso had an air of arrogance that you admired. She took the world by its kitty balls, doing whatever she pleased whenever she pleased. Your cat left the apartment for sometimes days at a time, and frequently led male cats to your door. To you, your cat was more like a roommate than a pet, hogging up most of your bed, standing on the counter while you attempted to make food for yourself, and leaving most areas dirtier than she originally found it. 

Okay, maybe you were personifying your cat a little too much. But after moving out to D.C., you were unspeakably lonely. Most days, it felt like Miso was all you had, and that you were all Miso had (save for her army of cat boyfriends). 

This made things all the more concerning for you when you’d realized that you hadn’t seen your cat companion in five days. Five whole days without the comforting vibration of her purr, her ungodly hours of wakeup calls demanding to be played with, or pet. The cherry on top was that the cat food outside your door appeared to be completely untouched.

In your frenzied realization of your missing cat, your mind raced with a thousand different terrible situations your dear Miso could’ve found herself in. You frantically clicked through pictures of her on an online album and attempted to find a photo that would capture her white fur with large blobs of auburn, and her vibrant blue eyes to put on your ‘MISSING’ sign. The longer you clicked, the more that you began to worry that she had been caught and kidnapped by some terrible person with bad intentions. 

You finally threw together the poster, sending it to your phone so that you could print it off at the OfficeMax down the street. Luckily for you, you didn’t make it that far, as the moment you began to lock the closed door of your apartment, you saw the unmistakable figure of your cat. 

In the arms of your neighbor.

Now, you’d never met Steve. He was an Avenger, Captain America to be exact, and you were just… you. You’d convinced yourself that attempting to introduce yourself to him would ultimately end in failure, and an embarrassing one at that. Maybe he’d scoff and walk away, or call Tony Stark in front of you and tell him about the crazy woman he just encountered. 

But none of that mattered. Captain America was stealing your fucking cat. 

“Excuse me, sir?” You asked, stepping away from your door and approaching the Greek God of a man to the right of you. 

“Oh, hey! We must be n-“

“You have my cat,” you said bluntly.

“I’m sorry, what?” Steve seemed to do a double take

“My cat, y’know, the feline in your arms.”

“Well, maybe we just have similar looking cats. This is Arabella.”

You nearly scoffed at this, shaking your head. First, Captain America kidnapped your cat, and now he’s trying to convince you that it’s not your cat? Yeah, you’d know Miso from a mile away. And what kind of name is Arabella?

“Arabella is a great name for her,” Steve retorted, pulling the cat closer to his chest. Shit, did you say that out loud?

“Well I think it’s time for Miso to come back home,” the cat’s ears perked at this, and she glanced over at you. The sight of you made her wiggle and hop out of Steve’s tight embrace, landing on her feet and trotting over to you. The damn cat rubbed her face against your calf and purred as if she hadn’t been cheating on you for long enough to have gained a new name.

You squatted down and rubbed the back of your hand against her cheek, and shook your head at your pet, “you’re getting put on probation, young lady.” 

She didn’t seem to mind, pacing back and forth around you. You glanced up and saw Steve with a rather neutral expression on his face, as if he was masking whatever it was that he was feeling.

“I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Uh, maybe I’ll see you both around sometime,” disappointment coated his every word before he opened up his apartment door and promptly closed it behind him. 

You were surprised at how quickly he conceded, but you weren’t particularly mad about it either. You weren’t sure what you’d do if you never got your Miso back.

——

A whole day later, you’d been in your apartment typing up an email when a soft rapping at your door got your attention.

“Just a second!” you called, hopping up and hurrying to the door. When you opened it, Steve was standing in front of you, waiting with an oversized box in his hands.

“These are some of Ar- Miso?” he trailed off, waiting for you to confirm the name, and you gave him a tiny nod. “These are some of Miso’s toys. I just figured if she’s not staying at my place anymore…”

As if on cue, Miso strolled up to the door, and stretched her arms up on Steve’s leg, begging to be picked up. The man glanced at you for approval, and you gave a dismissive shrug before he set down the box, and held up the cat.

Steve frowned as he held her, and frankly, it pulled on your heart strings. You had to remind yourself that this man had been holding your cat captive for at least a week, and at most… who knows. 

She clearly had a connection with him, and that was what intrigued you most. Miso was a very picky cat, and it was only occasionally that she found someone that she genuinely liked, let alone wanted to be picked up by. If you continued to watch the display of affection in front of you, you might just cave.

“Uh, I left something in the oven for a little too long, so I should probably go get that. Thanks for stopping by.”

Steve nodded, understanding that it was time for him to exit.

——

You should’ve seen this coming the minute Miso was back in your home. You stepped out of the shower one morning to find your front door slightly ajar, and your animal nowhere to be found. 

You huffed, frustrated that just three days after you told yourself that your cat was completely indoor from that point on, she had escaped. She could literally be anywhere at this point.

In a whirlwind, you threw on a sweatshirt and pants, ready to go print out the missing posters that you had designed just a few days ago. As you slipped on sneakers, you realized something very crucial. She might just be at Steve’s place.

You groaned aloud, rubbing your temple as you thought of how difficult your cat was being. You were becoming a bit nervous to approach Steve, you hadn’t gotten off to the greatest start, and if your cat wasn’t there, things might just be awkward.

Regardless, you knew you needed to try, so you exited your own home, and knocked on the door of Steve’s.

A few moments later, he appeared with your cat in tow. 

“Hey!” he paused and trailed off, “I never got your name before.”

“That’s what you care about right now?” you glanced down at your animal. “It’s Y/N, by the way.”

“Hi, Y/N. Miso and I were just enjoying breakfast, if you’d like to join us?”

Was Steve shooting his shot? 

“I appreciate your offer, but I think I’m alright. I have to get back to work, and my cat is still in your custody,” your eyes flickered down to the animal who stood proudly by his side. 

“Maybe some other time,” he shrugged. “You work from home?”

You nodded, then squatted down to get eye level with your cat. 

“I’m jealous,” he chuckled. “Alright, I’ll stop bothering you now. Bye Miso, see you around, Y/N.”

You picked up your cat, who briefly dug her nails into the ground in resistance before submitting to her capture. As you brought her back home, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d made the right choice.

——

Ever since you’d discovered Miso, or Arabella’s secret life, it’s like you couldn’t stop noticing her connection to Steve. 

Some days, she’d be gone until the dead of night, when she’d meow and paw at your front door until you woke up. Other times she’d be laying in bed with you, and she smelled distinctly of your neighbor. Your cat had single handedly turned a stranger into a thoroughly integrated part of your life.

It was as if Miso was now your child, and Steve your ex-husband in a Cold War style custody battle, where Miso seemed to prefer her father. It was slightly disheartening. At the very least, you knew she was in good hands. 

You held a throw pillow to your chest while you watched a rerun of a sitcom on your television, procrastinating in your work for as long as you possibly could. The sound of a knock on your door pulled you from your trance, and as you peeked through the peephole of your door, you saw a slightly distorted Steve.

Opening up the door, you gave him just the faintest hint of a smile, “what’s up, neighbor? Need me to grab you some treats for Arabella, or something?”

“Kinda the opposite,” he gestured with his head down to the cat squirming in his hands. “I’m gonna be gone on a mission for the next week or so. I just wanted to let you know that if Miso gets out, she’s not with me.” 

Steve set her down on your carpet, and she happily collapsed at your feet, “keep her safe for me, alright?” 

——

You took a deep breath as you approached his door, hoping he hadn’t left just yet. You fiddled with the sticky note containing your number, and polaroid photo of your cat in your hand, considering turning around and scrapping the idea all together. 

It was silly to think that an Avenger would ever bother reaching out to you. You were probably overstepping anyway. Steve would think you were a freak and take full custody of your beloved Miso once and for all. 

Going against your better judgment, you set down the polaroid-note combo and quickly slid it under Steve’s door. Whatever happened happened.

The next morning, you were pleased to receive a notification from an unknown number. 

Send Miso pics?

You were more than happy to oblige. 

——

Over the course of Steve’s week-long mission, you’d sent several pictures and videos of your cat doing random things. Trying to get on the table, sleeping on top of your dryer, and even playing with one of the toys Steve provided.

Surprisingly, Steve wasn’t as dry of a texter as you thought he’d be. He was eating up all of the Miso content, and would occasionally even ask for you to send more photos. 

The final night of his mission, you were surprised when you received a FaceTime request, at first writing it off as a technical error (he was from a different time period, after all), but the follow up call demonstrated his intentions.

You cautiously picked up, the knot in your stomach growing as you did so, “hello?”

“Hi!” Steve greeted optimistically, the phone just a bit too close to his face. “Any Miso sightings?”

“Yeah, she’s actually sleeping on my foot right now,” you chuckled, flipping the camera so you could show her off in your dim, lamp-lit bedroom. 

“So cute,” he hummed, “how have you been?”

“Me?” you laughed quietly, “I’m not the one on a top secret mission in god-knows-where. But I’ve been fine. How are you?”

“Honestly? I’m pretty tired. Kinda can’t wait to get home and see you and Miso,” he said in a quieter voice. 

Your brain stalled out for a second. Steve was excited to see you? You hoped that you were reading this the right way, as you were more than willing to go with whatever it was that Steve was putting down.

“We’ll be expecting an immediate visit from you, then. I’ll let Miso know that she needs to start kneading a bread loaf for you as soon as possible. Any idea of what time you’re getting into D.C.?” 

“Probably late morning, but it really depends on when Natasha gets up.”

You had a moment where you realized that you were talking to a real life superhero, and he had just referenced his friend… who was also a superhero. You paused for a second. 

“Y/N? Hey, you still here?”

“Yeah! Yeah. I just zoned out for a sec. Well, you better get here safe or else someone is going to be very annoyed with you.”

Steve laughed softly across the line, and you adjusted yourself in bed, yawning softly.

“I’m sorry, I forgot how late it is over there,” Steve apologized.

“Don’t worry, I was up anyway. One of Miso’s boyfriends is pretty upset that he can’t come in here and spend the night with her.”

“Which one?”

“I think that grey one. I don’t really know what his voice sounds like, but she’s been leading him on lately,” you responded, eliciting a laugh from both you and Steve. 

“Try to get some sleep, okay? I don’t need you snoozing while I come to visit our girl.”

“You are something else, Steve Rogers,” you said fondly, adjusting your phone one last time as you hugged a pillow. “I’ll get to sleep. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

You hung up, and cuddled into your pillow with a sigh. Calling your dreams that night sweet was an understatement. 

——

You seemed to be Steve’s first stop after his mission, stopping at your door with his duffel bag still attached to his arm, and wearing a slightly dirty and much too small white t-shirt.

Expecting his presence, you quickly got the door and gave him a toothy grin. 

“It’s so good to see your face without a screen,” Steve commented. Internally, you swooned. 

“I could say the same for you, Steve.”

Miso had been summoned by the sound of Steve’s voice, practically sprinting to the door and meowing at him on the top of her lungs. 

“Miso really appreciates you coming here to see her first,” you added as he lifted her up and quietly cooed into her wrinkly head. “Feel free to take her for the next few days. I’m sure she’s getting tired of me.”

Steve shook his head at you, and grinned, “that’s so sweet of you,” he briefly looked down at his wristwatch, and his brows raised.

“Shit. I have to go, but I promise to see you soon. I’m glad to see that everything is well. Take care, Y/N,” Steve began making his way back to his own apartment, and you watched him with the semblance of a frown. 

You really needed to stop longing for the unobtainable. 

——

You hadn’t heard from Steve in a few days following his return, and your brief interaction with him. Part of you wondered if he was avoiding you for some  reason. 

Your phone lit up the room as it went off, and you grabbed it to look at the notification you received.

A picture of Steve grinning with Miso sitting on his chest looked back at you with a simple message connected to it.

Wanna come over? :D